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"Wait, what?" I yelp, horrified at what I'm hearing. "Kassam, what the fuck?"
"Can you do it, my father?" Kassam gazes calmly at the High Father. "For me?"
"It is an enormous change," the High Father says, and he touches Kassam's cheek. The look on his face is both knowing and sad, as if he expected this. "You are certain this is what you want?"
I scramble forward, determined to slap a hand over Kassam's mouth before he can answer. "He's not certain," I blurt out. "He's not certain at all, and we need to talk about this."
Kassam looks over at me as I wedge myself in between him and the High Father. Is it a good idea to push in front of a god? Probably not but I'm doing it anyhow, because Kassam can't do this. "Carly," he says, clasping my hands in his, a gentle smile on his face. "It will be all right. You said you trusted me, yes? Give me that trust now and let me do this."
"No, Kassam," I say again, shaking my head. "I'm not going to let you do this. You've dreamed of going back to your forest. This is what you fought for. This is what you've struggled for. And you're needed. Look at how excited everyone was to see you when we approached Chandrilhar. When we traveled to Hrit Svala. They weren't like that for Seth. They wouldn't be like that for Riekki. People love you. They need you."
"But I need you," he says simply, and presses kisses to my knuckles. "I made a vow to you, and I want to keep it."
I grip his hands tightly, wanting to smack him with them and kiss him at the same time. "You made a vow to the conmac, too." That makes him hesitate, and I press on. "Think of all the good you can do when you're restored, Kassam. You don't need me—"
The stubbornness returns to his face. "That is where you are wrong, my wife. I do need you. You have taught me things. Things like grief and regret." He places my hands over his heart. "Things I am feeling right now, and I do not like them. I want to go with you, Carly. Because I cannot lose you. I do not want to spend an eternity of regret without you. I would rather spend a few decades at your side in happiness."
"You big idiot," I say, even as I sob and throw my arms around his neck. "Don't do this."
"I love you, my little light," he says, hugging me tightly. "You have been at my side through all of this. Let me be there for you, as well." He strokes my hair. "It will be all right. No matter what happens, as long as we are together, I am content."
"You're lying," I say, sniffing hard and leaning back to search his face. "You need to return to godhood. You're good at it. And now you'll be even better. You don't need me." At his stubborn expression, I turn to the High Father, who is watching us with those sad, dark eyes. "He's lying. Don't let him do this. He's amazing at his job and you need him."
The High Father turns his gaze toward Kassam. "Do I need to find a new god of the wild?"
Kassam's hands tighten on me. "The Spidae say they cannot keep Carly with me if I ascend once more. That we will be separated for all time if they interfere. I do not want that. I want to be with her." He holds me against his chest, practically squeezing me. "She has taught me about so many things, but mostly how to be a better, more thoughtful god. How to really pay attention to those that ask for assistance, instead of simply chasing after my own pleasures. I have been learning with her at my side, and Carly is my conscience. If she cannot stay with me…I worry I will turn into Riekki…or Seth."
To my surprise, the High Father smiles.
"The very fact that you worry about such things tells me you will not," he says to Kassam. "You have truly grown and I am pleased. This Anticipation has taught me much. It always pains me to punish my children, but I like to hope that the rewards will be as sweet." His smile broadens. "This Anticipation is showing the true colors of all. Riekki welcomes war on her doorstep to cling to power, and Magra abuses her anchors by draining them of life to prolong her own and then switching them. Vor thrives on creating chaos, and Gental has set himself up with a harem of women and men eager to do his bidding. I fear they are lost."
His expression grows sad, and the questions I have—like who Magra is, what sort of chaos Vor is causing—die in my throat.
