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“That doesn’t mean anything,” Esme said, yanking the paper from the table and tossing it into a bin.
Jan could beg to differ. She had no claim on Alex outside of their business arrangement. She supposed she should tell him to keep a low profile in his exploits so that she didn’t get embarrassed.
But at some point in this venture, she would be the one to get embarrassed. They were going to call it off. It didn’t matter who did the calling off. She’d be alone afterward, and Alex would be gallivanting around with women like always. Just like it had been with Chris.
How had she gotten herself into the same situation? For the rest of her life, she’d have to watch the man she had feelings for go off with other women. And none of them would be her.
She dropped her face into her hands.
“Jan? Honey, what is it?”
“It’s a disaster. I can’t believe I made the same mistake.”
“What mistake?” Esme tugged at her wrists.
Jan refused to let the tears fall. She’d made a business decision. She knew how this was supposed to end. It was just that she never thought she’d feel more than wariness for Alex.
But then there had been those kisses. There was the way he’d held her. The way they cooked together and mixed spices. She’d never had that with anyone. For a cook, that was the height of intimacy.
“You have feelings for him?” said Esme. “Don’t you?”
Jan nodded her head, still hiding her face.
“Sweetie, I think he has feelings for you too.”
Jan dropped her hands then. She huffed in exasperation at Esme. The woman had always excelled in seeing things that weren’t there. One day, Esme’s imagination would get her in trouble. But seeing as the woman had a king and a castle, it didn’t look like that day was coming any time soon.
“I was talking to Leo,” she went on, “and he said he’d never seen Alex look at a woman the way he looked at you when you came to his defense the other day.”
Jan shook her head. She would not be pulled into one of Esme’s fairy tales. They may have worked the one time for Esme. They would never work for plain girls like Jan.
“Really, Jan, think about it. He chose you to cook with him. He chose you to partner with him. He chose you for this fake engagement ploy. Leo would give him the money. Heck, I would give you two the money. Did you know that being a queen is an actual job with an annual salary? My point is that nothing of those options, which he knew were open to him, would tie you to him. I think subconsciously, he wants you.”
Could Esme be right? Jan didn’t know what to think? She wasn’t even sure what she wanted?
Did she want Alex to be falling for her? She had sworn she’d never get married. That she’d never tie her life to anyone else. But she’d signed on the line to be partners with Alex, a business partnership that she hoped would last a lifetime. Did she want that partnership to extend outside of the kitchen?
Jan thought back to that kiss the other day, and her lips tingled. Her heart fluttered. There was her answer.
“But what about the paper?” Jan inclined her head to the paper in the trash.
Esme sighed and retrieve the crumbled paper. “I want you to look at something. Look in his eyes.” Esme pointed to the creased and crinkled Alex on paper. “He looks annoyed, not amused. In fact, look at his hand. He has a fork. He was eating, and she interrupted his dinner.”
Jan had seen the food, but not the annoyance in his gaze. Even now, she focused more on the dish than on Alex. There was a bit of jealousy that rose. But she realized the envy wasn’t over the girl.
It was over the dish. Jan was jealous that he was eating someone else’s food. And without her.
“I think you should talk to him,” said Esme. “Tell him how you feel.”
The mere thought of the possibility of rejection made Jan’s spine ache. The idea of making herself that vulnerable to another person scared her. Could she trust Alex with her heart?
She’d trusted him with her livelihood, her future security, and her career. Those had long since mattered more than her heart.
“Jan, whether you want to believe it or not, there’s a thing between you two. I saw it with my own eyes back during the pie competition.”
He’d kissed her then too. It
was just casual that time. It had been nothing like the way he’d kissed her the other day.
