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I brush the loose hair away from her face with my fingers, and admit, “I’m not staying.”
Her eyes look away as she edges toward the door. “Okay.”
Fuck!
“It isn’t okay, Savannah.” I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her against me. Inhaling the scent of strawberries from her hair, I drop my mouth to her ear. “I want to stay, but for now I’m not going to. You’re amazing and this thing between us is only just starting. Please just bear with me.”
After a brief pause, she nods her head. “Okay.”
I sigh in relief and turn her to face me. “Go inside, and lock up so I know you’re safe.” I kiss the tip of her nose, and avoid her gaze. “I’ll call you.”
She flinches. “Goodnight, Jace.”
With her front door closed in my face, I feel like kicking myself in the fucking balls. I’ll call you. What a damn thing to say to her. That’s a standard fucking line, and usually means the opposite.
Sometimes I wish my brain would censor what I’m about to say before the words jump out of my mouth. Seeing the hurt my words caused Savannah has unease sliding through my heart.
Unable to stay on her porch all night, I head back to my truck and peel out of her street as though I’m John Connor with the Terminator after him.
* * * * *
It’s only eleven at night, so why am I sitting in my house, in the dark, feeling sorry for myself?
Because you’re an idiot.
Since arriving home, I’ve been unable to stop thinking about Savannah, and the look on her face when I told her that I’d call. I should have been taking her into my arms and telling her the real reason why I wasn’t going to stay the night. And now she’s going to be thinking the worst of me. Considering how badly I’m thinking about myself right now, I deserve whatever she’s thinking.
Channel surfing, along with being alone, gets old every night, but tonight, it seems unbearable. Knowing that I’ve hurt Savannah is preventing me from settling.
Finding an old episode of Golden Girls, I drop the remote to the floor and try to concentrate on the scene with Blanche and Rose discussing Blanche’s next conquest.
“What the fuck are you watching?” Ryder shouts, causing my heart to jump out of my fucking chest.
“What does it look like? And have you ever heard of knocking?”
He drops his ass to the sofa. “I knocked.” Frowning, he watches me and I have a feeling that he’s really seeing me, the only way that someone who is close to me can.
“What’s going on?”
“Why are you here?” I counter. “Isn’t it a bit late?”
“Dahlia and Faith are asleep, but I had accounts to finish. I also promised Dahlia that I’d come and check on you.”
Now he has my attention. “Why?”
“Because she’s worried about you, and so am I. This thing with Savannah is sudden.”
I laugh. “There is nothing sudden about Savannah. We’ve been dancing around each other for over a year, so I’d say it’s slow, if anything.”
“Look,” Ryder sighs, and turns back to watch the Golden Girls, “neither of us want to see you get hurt, and she really does seem like a nice woman, but…fuck…just be careful, okay?”
At one time, I’d laugh in his face at him giving me advice about women, but not anymore. He means well, they both do. I’m not sure how he’d react if he knew what a dick I’d been to Savannah after our date, though. It was a perfect night until I’d ruined it.
“What’d you do?” Ryder asks, and I wonder if he can read my mind.
“Huh?”
“You didn’t shut me down, you look, I don’t know, weird…plus you’re watching Golden Girls.”
