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If she knew I actually cleaned and tidied most of my mess up before she came in, she wouldn’t be impressed.
I mean, who cleans before the cleaner comes in? I guess I do.
Climbing into my truck, I turn the ignition and pull out.
Savannah
The more I pace back and forth in my kitchen, the more my anger and frustrations are pushing to get out. My heart pounds as I try to get control of my emotions. I want to go and kick Richard out of my house and life, once and for all. I should have told him months ago, when I knew what a mistake our engagement is. He never even asked me, just presumed that I’d said yes. I mean, who does that?
Ugh!
Richard arrived about an hour after his shift, wanting to spend the evening with me. I’d been surprised, but had scrambled to make him a wholesome meal after his day at work. Part of this meal was my guilt over my reaction to Jace earlier in the day. I wish I hadn’t bothered. He’d eaten in silence and then said, “I’m going to relax in front of the TV for a bit,” before he’d disappeared into the living room. No thank you for dinner or anything.
The ass!
He’s been in there for over thirty minutes now, while I’ve prolonged cleaning the dishes and getting everything straight. I really don’t want to join him.
You could go out for a run…
Oh, I haven’t done that for a while. It would get me out of the house and he might leave while I’m gone.
My decision made, I quickly put the milk back in the fridge and pick up the coffee I made him. I head into the living room, feeling lighter on my feet with my decision made.
“I’m going running,” I announce as I place his cup down.
Richard reluctantly tears his eyes away from the TV and looks at me. His eyes do a once over my body. “Okay.” He’s engrossed in the game again.
Makes me wonder why he’s at my house watching it instead of his own.
Making my way to my bedroom, I open my closet and pull out my yoga pants and sports bra. As I start to change, I find I’m trying hard to decide why I was attracted to him in the first place.
He’s still attractive to look at, I guess. He’s about the same height as Jace, but that’s where the similarities end. Richard has dark blond hair that he keeps cut short for work. He has an athletic build but he’s starting to let go. At one time, I could talk to him and he’d listen…at least I think he did. I was suffering badly with depression after my father died, so I probably wouldn’t have noticed if his attention was elsewhere, like it is now.
With my sneakers fastened, I grab a T-shirt, my cell, and keys before heading back into the living room.
Typical!
Richard has fallen asleep in the recliner.
Chewing on my lip, I quickly scrawl him a note to let him know that I have my keys with me, and I ask him to lock up when he leaves. It’s a polite note so hopefully he won’t take offense considering he’s not slept at my house before.
With a heavy sigh, I make my escape, and locking the door behind me, start to run along the sidewalk toward the park. I love the scenery from the sidewalk, which is lined with small blossom trees. It’s a quiet neighborhood, usually filled with children playing during the day in all of the front lawns that are meticulously cared for.
The town park is patrolled regularly so that the locals feel safe being out at any time of night. It’s a new initiative that the town council has fought hard for and one that they are proud of. I’ve always felt safe in this neighborhood, and quite often, in the evenings, I’d run to the park. Sometimes, I’d end up being dragged into a game of basketball with the guys on the court. Being a teacher brings me into contact with children of all ages so it’s not that often when I can go somewhere without being recognized.
My students are fond of me, like I am them, and it speaks loudly in the work they always hand in. Their homework tends to be fun for them, instead of the usual textbook questions that make students hate studying. The homework sheets I hand out at the end of each school day are fun to do. I make sure of that. No kid willingly does boring homework.
Richard has never understood why I have to teach. I think he’s under the impression that ‘when’ we get married, I’ll hand my notice in. That isn’t going to happen, and I’m sad to say that neither will there be a wedding. In fact, I don’t even think I’m sad about that, more relieved than anything.
My feelings for Richard at the time when we met had grown into one of friendship, but I don’t think we even have that now. I wish things were different but they just aren’t and I can’t lie to myself anymore.
I’m unhappy, and I’ve been this way for a long time…maybe even at the beginning of our relationship, but I had mistaken that for grief.
I know Richard has seen my reaction to Jace on more than one occasion, and it’s difficult. In the end, I don’t want to hurt Richard because I couldn’t have made it through my father’s death without him. So I guess I don’t want him thinking I’m slapping him in the face and being ungrateful. There are different ways of thanking someone without staying in an engagement that isn’t wanted…I think by either of us.
Instead of letting time pass me by, I need to get a grip and give Richard his ring back. I’ve never been good at confrontations and the thought of confronting Richard turns my stomach. But the sooner the better, I guess.
As Pink starts to blare through my headphones, my thoughts turn to Jace and his image pops into my head. His smile, his voice, and the heat that I sometimes catch in his gaze.
