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Dante nodded. “I did. I thought it was so wrong to have the feelings that I did for a woman that was my half-sister. I hoped when I turned to the church that the feelings would disappear, that I’d be absolved of the kiss we shared. It’s been heavily on my mind since then, but now that I know there is no blood relationship between us, I can’t switch my feelings off anymore. They’re there, and…I want to be with her. I want to grow old with her by my side. I’ve spent years tortured with a love that I thought was forbidden. I’m not prepared to spend another day without her in my life as the woman I love.”
A sense of relief washed over him as he finished. He’d finally admitted the truth to the one person he should have spoken to all those years ago. The one person who would have to now act as his bishop in dealing with what he’d just confessed to him.
“Now,” Colin leaned forward and rested his arms on his desk with his hands intertwined, “it’s my turn to confess.”
That surprised Dante, who frowned at Colin’s words.
Confess to what?
“I knew when you came to me, asking to join the seminary, that there was something wrong. Young men your age, who are in the process of building their dream, don’t suddenly change their mind.” He smiled. “I may be old but I’m not oblivious to life regardless of popular belief.” He glanced at his closed office door before he faced Dante again.
“I remember trying to get you to talk, and you talked about everything other than your family. When I did guide you in that direction, you never once mentioned a sister. I did wonder, but because the seminary seemed to be what you wanted, I helped you. In honesty, I figured once you were there, the counseling and classes would have caused you to come back to your senses and you’d leave. But they didn’t and you didn’t. And then you took your vows.” Colin sighed and sat back in his chair, looking his seventy-four years.
It was the first time that Dante had heard Colin’s thoughts on him and he didn’t know what to say in response. Dante was strong willed when he chose, which was why no one could sway him from the path that he suddenly wanted.
“As your bishop, I should send you for counseling and tell you that you will never be free because it’s your job to your congregation to stay true to them. That you will never be free of your vows.” Colin paused and caught his breath. “I don’t have the strength anymore to argue or to get angry that you want to leave your vows behind. I also feel guilty for not doing more to dissuade you from the path that you seemed to want even when, deep down, I knew you were using the seminary as an escape from something.”
He’d expected to see the anger that Colin was occasionally known for but this had been a truly enlightening experience.
“What happens now?”
Colin sighed. “You have to resign from ecclesiastical office, which you can do while you are here. You can sit here and type up your request.”
“I have that with me,” Dante added.
“I should have known that…we will have to fill in a questionnaire that will be sent to Rome as a petition for an indult of laicization. You will also need to apply separately for a dispensation from your vows. In truth, the laicization will probably be granted, but the dispensation, which will fre
e you to marry, may not be. I’ve hard stories that these requests may not even make it to the Supreme Court of the Vatican. Do you understand what this means, Dante? You’ll never be able to marry in a Catholic Church, or have anything to do with the faith in an active role. Can you accept that?”
He already knew that because he’d been online searching for information so that he wouldn’t be caught off guard. “Yes.” It wouldn’t prevent him from working at outreach centers, or from following his original dream of opening a restaurant. This time, he’d have Emelia by his side.
Then the bishop’s words hit him ‘never marry in a Catholic Church’. “So marriage is allowed, but not in a Catholic Church even without a dispensation being granted? Did I hear that right?”
Colin nodded. “I shouldn’t even be telling you that. But yes. If the dispensation isn’t granted, then as long as the marriage doesn’t take place in a Catholic Church, you can be married. You’ll be going against everything that you’ve been taught and your own faith, which I know you still believe in. Can you do that?”
“I don’t think I’m ready to answer that just yet. Maybe in time, but for now…” his voice trailed off as he tried to think of his answer, “I just need time.”
“I’m going to be very sorry to lose you, Dante. I’ve dedicated fifty-three years to the church and you’re the only priest that I’ve ever met to really challenge me. Oh, there’s been others over the time, I’m sure. But you’re the one I’m going to remember. If it had been anyone else sitting where you are, saying what you have, then I’m not sure I would have reacted the same. In fact, I know I wouldn’t have.”
“I’m going to miss you as well.” And he would, more than he thought he would when he walked through the doors to have this meeting.
“Hand me your letter, and we’ll get the questionnaire answered so then you’ll be free to leave.”
“Thank you.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Aiden had gone into town with their father, so Emelia was supposed to be cooking up a storm in the kitchen with her mom, but all she was doing was mooning over the cheese sauce for the lasagna as she stirred it with a wooden spoon.
Her mom was in the background putting together some pies for dessert, and Emelia hadn’t missed the looks from the corner of her mom’s eye. Her mom had yet to comment on her lack of enthusiasm, but she knew that her mother wouldn’t stay silent for long.
On the odd occasion, they’d both been mistaken for sisters with their matching eyes, and long dark hair. Her mom had aged well and her skin still looked as young and healthy as Emelia always remembered from when she was a child. Her mom was seven years younger than Emiliano, and at fifty-five, she looked to be in her early thirties. Emelia often hoped that she looked as good when she reached her mom’s age.
But on a sigh with her attention back on the cheese sauce, she realized that it had started to go lumpy. She quickly turned the burner off and removed the saucepan to the table, close to where her mother worked.
“The sauce is ready,” she said unnecessarily.
“Hmm, I can see that.” Her mom smiled. “It looks good. Nice and thick. Perfect for the lasagna.”
