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22
Sawyer
It’s been four days since I kissed Andie goodbye before I ran out of her apartment and everything blew up in my face. Four days of hell. I can’t even remember the last time I shaved, and my eyes look bloodshot from lack of sleep.
Andie’s last message ‘I need you’ has been on constant replay in my mind and instead of answering, I’d forced myself to ignore her. It was the only way to get through the day without reaching for her. It hurts so much to be keeping her at a distance and instead of calling her and being honest about all the shit that happened in the Dean’s office, I decided that it would be easier if she thought I’d walked away.
I’m not sure how I thought my decision would be easier or the right thing to do, because it’s just going to hurt us both. I know my weakness and that is Andie, so my logical mind at the time, thought it would be easier to have her hate me. She’d stay away from me then and I wouldn’t struggle with my need to go to her. I just didn’t think I’d feel like hell for breaking her heart.
As I glare at my haggard face through the bathroom mirror, I wonder why she hasn’t been around to the house. She knows where I live and after her messages, I was sure that she’d come to find me. I’d prepared myself to tell her lie after lie to get to her leave. I hadn’t been prepared for her not showing up.
My temper rises as I really let it sink into my brain that she’s let me slip away from her so easily.
She’s probably moved on with Jeremy! God knows the man could never take his eyes off what was mine.
Glancing through into my bedroom the blurred red display on the alarm clock says: 00:04. It isn’t too late for a visit? No, I didn’t think so!
Splashing cold water on my face, I shake before grabbing the towel from around my hips and roughly dry myself. The shower didn’t do anything to make me feel better, but getting answers from Andie will. I hope. Once I know why she hasn’t even bothered to see me in the four days, I might admit to her about where I was coming from. But my reasons were to try and save everything she’s worked for. What were her reasons?
Shoving my legs into a clean pair of jeans, and my shoes, I grab my shirt as I’m on the way out the door.
Enough is enough and my heart needs to see her and to know why she hasn’t been in touch. Perhaps she read my silence as she was supposed to. But all the wondering has me looking like a wreck and no matter what Johansson said, he won’t be watching at this time of night, or rather morning.
Coming up on Andie’s apartment building, I do something I shouldn’t, and use the passcode to enter. Once I’m outside her place, the anger drains away leaving my stomach aching. I guess I haven’t thought this visit through very well because I wanted my anger at being so easily dismissed after I’d ignored her to carry me through. Now though, as I knock on her door, is to have her in my arms again.
It takes a few knocks for the door to slowly open. When I get a look at her, her eyes are rimmed red and her complexion is pale. She glances away, hesitates, and then steps away from the doorway, which I take as permission to enter.
She looks smaller somehow as she sits in the sole chair in the room. I move slowly and sit across from her on the sofa with my elbows resting on my knees as I lean forward.
“Why are you here?” Andie asks, her voice filled with sadness.
I hold her angry gaze before I cut the sight of her distress out by closing my eyes. “I wanted to know what you’ve been up to.”
Lame, Sawyer!
Her eyes widen in surprise and she visibly swallows.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? I told you that I needed you, but you completely ignored me. Not one word from you or a visit, until now.” She glares her anger rising.
“That day went to shit the minute I walked on campus, and what about you? You’ve never come to my house to find me...to find out what the hell was going on.” I’m too agitated to sit any longer. “It feels like you didn’t care enough to find out why I wasn’t responding to your messages.” I yank at my hair and with my hands on my hips, admit, “I know I’m being an asshole and have no right to question you when I’m the one who ignored you, but dammit, Andie. When I said I love you, I meant every damn word. I still do.”
Her eyes stay fixated on me while I force myself to calm down, and then I see them swimming with unshed tears.
“I needed you, Sawyer. That text was the last one I sent before I got a flight home.” She swallows and looks away, my heart sinks as I get the feeling something, more than us, sent her running home. “Kasey called about my mom. She was in a bad way and I came close to loosing her, Sawyer. I really did need you, and I thought I could count on you, but I discovered that I can’t.”
I drop back onto the sofa cursing myself out in my head for everything I thought, and more importantly for not being there when she needed me. “I’m an asshole,” I mumble. “I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you go to concentrate on everything you’ve worked so hard for. I thought if you hated me then it would stop me from seeking you out...I’m so sorry, Andie.”
She shakes her head. “You’re not making any sense. The morning started out great, you invited me to your office at lunch. I don’t understand what happened between that.”
Heavily sighing, I admit, “Johansson had me in his office to look at some pictures.” I meet her gaze. “They were of us both in compromising positions by the side of the pool...they were taken the night we discovered the pool lights on.”
“How compromising?” she whispers the question.
“You’re on top of me with the robe on but it’s unfastened. I have my hands on your breasts and it’s obvious to anyone that I was inside of you...I’ve royally screwed this up, haven’t I?” I drop my head into my hands wondering what the fuck I do now.
Silence drags on until I feel her hands on mine, pulling them away from my face. “We both should have tried to communicate better. I was vague as to what I needed you for, and you should have told me about Dean Johansson.” She tips her head to the side. “What exactly did the Dean say to set you off this way?”
Grasping her hands and holding them tight, I spend the next ten minutes repeating the conversation that I’d had in the Deans office. By the time I’m done her lips are pinched in anger.
