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He shuddered. He probably comes from the Talamasca, he said. That's probably where he found out about you.
All he had to do was buy a paperback novel to find out about me.
Ah, but not to believe, Lestat, not to believe it was true.
I told him that I had spoken to David. David would know if this man was from his own order, but as for myself I didn't believe it. Those scholars would never have done such a thing. And there was something sinister about this mortal. The members of the Talamasca were almost tiresome in their whole-someness. Besides, it didn't matter. I would talk to this man and discover everything for myself.
He grew reflective again and very sad. It almost hurt me to look at him. I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, but that would only have made him furious.
I love you, he said softly.
I was amazed.
You're always looking for a way to triumph, he continued. You never give in. But there is no way to triumph. This is purgatory we're in, you and I. All we can be is thankful that it isn't actually hell.
No, I don't believe it, I said. Look, it doesn't matter what you say or what David said. I'm going to talk to Raglan James. I want to know what this is about! Nothing's going to prevent that.
Ah, so David Talbot has also warned you against him.
Don't choose your allies among my friends!
Lestat, if this human comes near me, if I believe that I am in danger from him, I will destroy him. Understand.
Of course, I do. He wouldn't approach you. He's picked me, and with reason.
He's picked you because you are careless and flamboyant and vain. Oh, I don't say this to hurt you. Truly I don't. You long to be seen and approached and understood and to get into mischief, to stir everything up and see if it won't boil over and if God won't come down and grab you by the hair. Well, there is no God. You might as well be God.
You and David . . . the same song, the same admonitions, though he claims to have seen God and you don't believe He exists.
David has seen God? he asked respectfully.
Not really, I murmured with a scornful gesture. But you both scold in the same way. Marius scolds in the same way.
Well, of course, you pick the voices that scold you. You always have, in the same manner in which you pick those who will turn on you and stick the knife right into your heart.
He meant Claudia, but he couldn't bear to speak her name. I knew I could hurt him if I said it, like flinging a curse in his face. I wanted to say, You had a hand in it! You were there when I made her, and there when she lifted the knife!
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sp; I don't want to hear any more! I said. You'll sing the song of limitations all your long dreary years on this earth, won't you Well, I am not God. And I am not the Devil from hell, though I sometimes pretend to be. I am not the crafty cunning lago. I don't plot ghastly scenarios of evil. And I can't quash my curiosity or my spirit. Yes, I want to know if this man can really do it. I want to know what will happen. And I won't give up.
And you'll sing the song of victory eternally though there is none to be had.
Ah, but there is. There must be.
No. The more we learn, the more we know there are no victories. Can't we fall back on nature, do what we must to endure and nothing more?
That is the most paltry definition of nature I have ever heard. Take a hard look at it-not in poetry but in the world outside. What do you see in nature What made the spiders that creep beneath the damp floorboards, what made the moths with then- multicolored wings that look hike great evil flowers in the dark The shark in the sea, why does it exist? I came towards him, planted my hands on his desk and looked into his face. I was so sure you would understand this. And by the way, I wasn't born a monster! I was a born a mortal child, the same as you. Stronger than you! More will to live than you! That was cruel of you to say.
I know. It was wrong. Sometimes you frighten me so badly I hurl sticks and stones at you. It's foolish. I'm glad to see you, though I dread admitting it. I shiver at the thought that you might have really brought an end to yourself in the desert! I can't bear the thought of existence now without you! You infuriate me! Why don't you laugh at me You've done it before.
I drew myself up and turned my back on him. I was looking out at the grass blowing gently in the river wind, and the tendrils of the Queen's Wreath reaching down to veil the open door.
I'm not laughing, I said. But I'm going to pursue this, no sense in lying about that to you. Lord God, don't you see If I'm in a mortal body for five minutes only, what I might learn?
All right, he said despairingly. I hope you discover the man's seduced you with a pack of lies, that all he wants is the Dark Blood, and that you send him straight to hell. Once more, let me warn you, if I see him, if he threatens me, I shall kill him. I haven't your strength. I depend upon my anonymity, that my little memoir, as you always call it, was so very far removed from the world of this century that no one took it as fact.
I won't let him harm you, Louis, I said. I turned and threw an evil glance at him. I would never ever have let anyone harm you.
