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"Sleep now, knowing you're safe," he said to her. "I'll take care of you forever. You saved Amadeo," he whispered. "You kept him alive until I could come. "
Dreamily she turned to look up at him, her eyes glossy and slow.
"Am I not beautiful enough for you to love me for that alone?" she asked.
I realized suddenly that what she said was bitter, and that she was bestowing a confidence on him. I could feel her thoughts!
"I love you whether or not you dress in gold or wear pearls, whether or not you speak wittily and quickly, whether or not you make a well-lighted and elegant place in which I can rest, I love you for the heart here inside you, which came to Amadeo when you knew there was danger that those who knew or loved the Englishman might hurt you, I love you for courage and for what you know of being alone. "
Her eyes widened for a moment. "For what I know of being alone? Oh, I know very well what it means to be utterly alone. "
"Yes, brave one, and now you know I love you," he whispered. "You always knew that Amadeo loved you. "
"Yes, I do love you," I whispered, lying next to her, holding her.
"Well, now you know I love you as well. "
She studied him as best she could in her languor. "There are so many questions on the tip of my tongue," she said.
"They don't matter," Marius said. He kissed her and I think he let his teeth touch her tongue. "I take all your questions and I cast them away. Sleep now, virginal heart," he said. "Love whom you will, quite safe in the love we feel for you. "
It was the signal to withdraw.
As I stood at the foot of the bed, he placed the embroidered covers over her, careful to fold the fine Flemish linen sheet over the edge of the rougher white wool blanket, and then he kissed her again, but she was like a little girl, soft and safe, and fast asleep.
Outside, as we stood on the edge of the canal, he lifted his gloved hand to his nostrils, and he savored the fragrance of her on it.
"You've learnt much today, haven't you? You cannot tell her anything of who you are. But do you see now how close you might come?"
"Yes," I said. "But only if I want nothing in return. "
"Nothing?" he asked. He looked at me reprovingly. "She gave you loyalty, affection, intimacy; what more could you want in return?"
"Nothing now," I said. "You've taught me well. But what I had before was her understanding, that she was a mirror in which I could study my reflection and thereby judge my own growth. She can't be that mirror now, can she?"
"Yes, in many ways she can. Show her by gestures and simple words what you are. You needn't tell her tales of blood drinkers that would only drive her mad. She can comfort you marvelously well without ever knowing what hurts you. And you, you must remember that to tell her everything would be to destroy her. Imagine it. "
I was silent for a long moment.
"Something's occurred to you," he said. "You have that solemn look. Speak. "
"Can she be made into what we-. "
"Amadeo, you bring me to another lesson. The answer is no. "
"But she'll grow old and die, and-. "
"Of course she will, as she is meant to do. Amadeo, how many of us can there be? And on what grounds would we bring her over to us? And would we want her as our companion forever? Would we want her as our pupil? Would we want to hear her cries if the magic blood were to drive her mad? It is not for any soul, this blood, Amadeo. It demands a great strength and a great preparation, all of which I found in you. But I do not see it in her. "
I nodded. I knew what he meant. I didn't have to think over all that had befallen me, or even think back to the rude cradle of Russia where I'd been nursed. He was right.
"You will want to share this power with them all," he said. "Learn that you cannot. Learn that with each one you make there comes a terrible obligation, and a terrible danger. Children rise against their parents, and with each blood drinker made by you you make a child that will live forever in love for you or hate. Yes, hate. "
"You needn't say any more," I whispered. "I know. I understand. "
We went home together, to the brightly lighted rooms of the palazzo.
I knew then what he wanted of me, that I mingle with my old friends among the boys, that I show kindness in particular to Riccardo, who blamed himself, I soon realized, for the death of those few undefended ones whom the Englishman had murdered on that fateful day.
