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He understood that she’d been stunned when he’d mentioned Scott’s name. That was understandable, but she’d had ample time to come to terms with the fact. She should’ve trusted what they had. She should’ve trusted him enough to tell him the truth.
He hadn’t just gotten involved with her, he’d gotten involved with Mason and thinking of both of them out of his life had a void settling deep in his heart.
“I should go and let you rest.” But he didn’t want to end this moment. Would his father even know who he was next time? “I love you, Dad.”
“Love you, Hayes.”
After placing a kiss on his father’s forehead, Hayes forced himself to leave the room. If that was the last time he heard his father say he loved him and call him by name, that would be enough. Hayes honestly hadn’t believed he’d get that again. Perhaps the uniform helped his father recognize him or perhaps his father just knew that at this moment Hayes needed him now more than ever.
No matter the reasons, Hayes was thankful to have had those few minutes. He needed to check to see if anyone had contacted Beau and then he wanted to head home. There was too much swirling around his mind and he just wanted to be left alone.
Alone.
Ironic that was exactly what he’d wanted when he came home, but then he’d been enveloped by his brothers, their wives, their kids… Alexa and Mason.
The pain she’d left buried inside him wasn’t going away anytime soon. He knew she’d come to him, knew she’d want to defend herself. So he needed time to prepare his heart. Because as hard as he tried, his damn heart had gone and gotten involved. Now he had to figure out how the hell he was going to move on.
* * *
Maybe he should’ve saved some demo work because Hayes could sure have done some damage with the sledgehammer. Unfortunately, he was on the back end of the kitchen renovation and coming close to the finish.
In the past several days he’d gotten his cabinets installed. Countertops, backsplash and new appliances were to be installed next week. Now he was working on the lighting over the giant table that mocked him. He couldn’t look at the damn thing without seeing Alexa and her expression when she saw it.
For the last two nights he’d slept like hell and had pretty much kept to himself. He’d visited his father a couple times, but he’d reverted back inside his mind. Hayes knew he would, but there was still that sliver of hope each time he went that maybe there would be some remembrance.
When the back door opened, Hayes steeled himself for the slam. He turned just as the screen door hit and Nolan and Colt were standing there like a force…one he didn’t want to deal with right now.
“This must be important to get you both here at the same time.”
Nolan stepped in and glanced around. “You’ve done a lot with the place since I was here last.”
Hayes went back to screwing in the base for the light over the table. “That’s the goal.”
“Where were you the other night?” Colt demanded.
Hayes twisted the nut around the screw and grunted. “Well, Dad, I don’t have to tell you everything I do.”
Glancing down onto the table, Hayes searched for the screwdriver to tighten the rest of the screws.
“We just want to help,” Nolan stated, handing him the tool. “You haven’t mentioned one thing about the Army in months, so you have to understand that when you show up looking like you slept in your uniform, we get a little concerned.”
Concentrating on the light, Hayes let the silence stretch out. Once he was done, he climbed down and pulled in a breath.
“I was at the governor’s mansion receiving an award.”
“What the hell?” Colt shouted.
“And you didn’t tell us before now?” Nolan demanded at the same time.
Hayes shrugged. “I didn’t want you guys to make a big deal about it.”
“A big deal?” Colt questioned. “You’re joking, right? This is a very big deal.”
“I didn’t want the award.” He still didn’t want it. “Taking that seems so wrong, like I’m actually accepting the fact that all of those deaths happened, like I’m moving on with my life when they can’t move on with theirs.”
A weight settled heavy on his chest. Isn’t that what happened with Alexa? She’d been afraid to mention Scott because that would’ve brought to life the fact that she was moving on and she hadn’t been ready. His response to receiving that award was the exact same thing.
He hadn’t wanted to come to grips with the fact he was moving on.
Hayes cleared his throat, pushing aside the turmoil of regret. “The award was given to the wrong man anyway.”
“If the governor gave it to you, then that was the right man.” Colt crossed the room and stood on the other side of the table, his hands propped on his hips. “Why the hell didn’t you want us to know? Because we might care? Because we might want to go and show support?”
“Do you think Annabelle and Piper are going to enjoy hearing that you didn’t want them there?” Nolan added, twisting the knife deeper.
