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I shook my head. “I had a brother who died when I was younger.”
“Oh God, I’m so sorry. Fuck. Me and my stupid mouth,” she muttered.
“You didn’t know,” I smiled. “I don’t have much in the way of family. I see how close you and Sax are and I get envious.”
“Were you and your brother close?” she asked.
“Yes. We had the usual brother/sister fights, but I loved him more than anything.”
“I can’t imagine losing Sax,” she muttered, shaking her head.
My heart raced as I forced a smile.
Neither can I.
Lunch with Stace had been great. By the time we got back to Sax’s, I felt like we’d known each other for years. She was one of the funniest, nicest people I’d ever met, and so much of what she did and said reminded me of him.
We parted ways out front, agreeing that we needed to get together again soon. She didn’t come inside, claiming she had to get to work, but I got the feeling she wanted to give us some time alone.
Sax was waiting for me at the door, a lazy smile on his sexy face. I loved that he still made my heart jump every time I saw him. I loved that I couldn’t think straight when I was around him.
“I like your sister a lot,” I admitted as he put his arm around me.
He chuckled as he closed the door. “I had a feeling you two would get along well. She’s great. We’ve always been close. I know a lot of siblings don’t have that connection, so I feel lucky that we do, you know?”
I nodded as we sat down on the sofa. I rested my head on his shoulder.
I did know. More than he realized.
“That’s great,” I said sincerely. Pete and I’d had that same connection, which probably had a lot to do with being left to fend for ourselves so often.
“Are you okay? You look kind of sad.” He lifted his arm and motioned for me to snuggle into him. I did, enjoying the feel of his warm embrace.
“Yeah, I … just hearing you talk about Stace makes me think of my family.”
“I’m sorry, M. I didn’t even think.”
“No, don’t be sorry. I love that you guys are so close. Especially with the issues you have with your dad. Did you always have a difficult relationship with him, or did that start after the accident?” I truly was interested—but a part of me was desperate to steer the conversation away from myself.
“It got worse after the accident.” He sighed and rested his head against the back of the chair. “Stace wasn’t the only one in the car that day. My cousin Kara was in there too. She was left paralyzed because of the accident.”
“Oh no,” I said. That must have been awful for him—and her, of course—but I knew him well enough to know he would be reliving that night every single day.
“Yep. She’s the same age as Stace. Eighteen. She was a state level basketball player with a huge future ahead of her. And because of my stupidity, her whole life was ruined.”
“Is she Harry’s sister?” I asked carefully.
He smiled and nodded. “Harry and I were never that close, but after the accident things got worse, quickly. Kara has moved on. She’s forgiven me for what happened. It seems the only people who haven’t are my father and Harry.”
“Wow, I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you,” I mumbled.
I did understand, though. My mind drifted to Pete. I knew better than anyone how powerful an emotion guilt was.
“I can’t change what happened. All I can do is make myself a better person. I never want to be responsible for hurting anyone ever again.”
He had completely opened up to me. He had exposed himself in the most intimate way, leaving himself vulnerable and at my mercy. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect for me to do the same.
The words formed on my lips, but I couldn’t work up the courage to push them out. I hadn’t felt so worthless since Pete had died. Here was this amazing man, with one of the sweetest souls I’d ever stumbled across, and I was going to hurt him. I had the chance to be honest, and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it because I didn’t want to lose him.
