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“What?” I shook my head in disbelief. This was the first time I’d ever felt like he didn’t understand me. “This isn’t nothing. I’m not worrying about some stupid little thing. Deb is my family.” I couldn’t live with her hating me.
“And what am I?” he asked, his voice soft. He walked over and kissed me on the forehead. “I’ll go, Em. I’ll give you space, but know that tomorrow I’ll be back here because I refuse to let you feel guilty about us. This is what Andy wanted.” His eyes met mine, shadowed in pain. “What do you want, Em?” he asked.
I watched as he walked out, my heart leaping into my throat.
Him. I want him.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Seth
Fuck! I punched the steering wheel, my fingers throbbing in pain. I’d been sitting in my car for the last fifteen minutes, parked outside her apartment. I shouldn’t have left. She would be tearing herself apart, feeling horrible for something that she shouldn’t be feeling guilty about.
In the back of my mind, I had been stressing about people finding out. How could anyone really understand any of this? Was I really that surprised Deb had lost it? Of course not. Her son had died, and in her eyes we had moved on—only things were never that simple. We hadn’t moved on; it was a new path we were taking together.
Andy had been a huge part of both our lives, and we would never forget him. The idea of people thinking that we loved him any less made me furious. What right did Deb—what right did anyone—have to judge our relationship?
***
This is a bad idea. I rapped on the door before I could change my mind. In my hands, I held the videos Andy had made during our trip. We hadn’t had a chance to watch through them, but maybe if Deb could see us all together she would understand. Then again, maybe I was fooling myself.
The door opened and Deb stood there, frowning at me.
“This is not a good time, Seth.”
“It’s never going to be a good time.” I crossed my arms over my chest to let her know I wasn’t going anywhere until I’d said my piece. “She’s sitting at home, blaming herself. This is the girl who dedicated her life to looking after and loving your son, and you go off at her like that?” I shook my head. “I get that you’re upset, but you can’t even begin to understand what she’s going through.”
“It’s been weeks, Seth. Weeks. And then I walk in on that? How did you expect me to react? I wanted you to look after her, not move in on her,” she said, her lip curling in disgust. “What about Andy?”
“He wanted this,” I growled, my anger growing. “She needs your support, Deb. She has nobody.”
“She obviously has you,” she shot back.
I shook my head. There was nothing I could say just then that was going to make it okay. I handed her the tapes.
“What are these?” she asked.
“The last few weeks of your son’s life. Watch them and tell me she didn’t love him enough.” I walked off, not looking back. I refused to feel guilty about loving her. The only person I had to answer to was Andy, and I’d already done that. Deb could hate me all she wanted, but I needed her to forgive Em; because otherwise the guilt was going to end up killing her.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Emily
I couldn’t even imagine how awful that must have been for her. Walking in on Seth and I so soon after Andy had gone . . . in what world was that okay?
Her reaction had been a wake-up call. Nobody was going to understand us being together, least of all our families. If we were serious about being a couple, then that was something we needed to give them the opportunity to get used to.
So now I had a decision to make. Was the chance of finding love with Seth worth losing the people who had been my family for the past ten years? Because no matter how right it felt, or how much we knew we had Andy’s blessing, they might never accept us being together.
“Em?”
I looked up from my bed and saw Seth standing there.
“I used the spare key,” he explained. He looked uncomfortable, with his hands shoved deep into his pockets. He hesitantly took a step toward the bed and sat down.
“I’ve had enough of people helping themselves to my spare key,” I mumbled, trying to make a joke. “That’s it. I’m moving it.”
He smiled. “I’ve just come from Deb’s.”
