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“I am happy,” I say. Aren’t I?
“No, you’re treading water,” Ellie corrects me. “There’s a big difference between surviving and living.” She leans over and hugs me. “You wanna stay here tonight? Tilly is asleep with Cassie in her bed, so you can have the spare room.”
I nod, not wanting to face going home alone tonight.
I finish my wine then ready myself for bed. Ellie brings me a pair of her pajamas and a change of clothes for tomorrow. As I undress and climb under the cool sheets, I think about what Ellie had said.
She’s right—I’m not really living. I get up each morning, and my focus is to make it through the day. Before the accident, I used to do so much more. I’d live each day as if it were my last. Now, I’m happy just to get through twenty-four hours without having a breakdown.
Curling up under the covers, I close my eyes and will sleep to come. I have a love/hate relationship with sleep because I rarely experience it without memories of Aiden creeping in. I love being
lost in my own world, one where he’s still here and with me. A world where I can kiss him and touch him.
But eventually I have to wake up, and when I do, I feel more alone than ever.
Chapter Eleven
Max
I take in the memos sitting on my desk and groan. It’s Monday morning, and all I seem to be doing is dealing with issue after issue. The final straw comes when one of my fifth-grade English teachers calls to let me know she’s been in a car accident. She’s okay, but at the very least, she’ll be away from work for eight weeks.
“Alyssa says she put in her notice for an extension on her maternity leave eight weeks ago. Why the hell wasn’t this processed? And where the hell is the form?” I growl, picking up another memo. She’s supposed to be back from her leave in three weeks, which means I have three fucking weeks to find a replacement for the remainder of the year.
Great, now I’m down two teachers.
“She did. I remember receiving it and handing it to Mr. Mattich. I’m sure he meant to process the extension but he had a lot on his mind by the end,” Rana says helplessly. Her deep brown eyes fill with moisture and she looks like she’s on the verge of tears.
That doesn’t help me much now, does it?
The rest of my day didn’t go much better. I have so much to do that I don’t know where to start. I call Grant to cancel our drinking plans for the evening. As awesome as relaxing with a few drinks sounds, I need to get onto finding these replacements.
“Hey,” I say when he answers. “I’m going to have to cancel our plans. I’ve had the day from hell.”
“That’s fine, man. Anything I can do?” he asks.
“Unless you can pull a teacher from out of your ass, no,” I say, my voice dry.
“Dude,” Grant begins slowly. “You do realize Kiara is qualified to teach? And she’s also looking for work.”
“Are you kidding me?” I laugh. “How did I not know this?”
“Maybe you didn’t ask the right questions?” he jokes. “No, she got pregnant with Tilly, then the accident happened…” He shrugs. “She fell into a job and never got out.” Grant pauses for a second. “Give her a call. Ellie said she was looking into applying for some teaching roles.”
“Maybe I will,” I murmur. The more I think about it, the more I love the idea. It doesn’t change my workload because I’ve still got to advertise and interview others for the job, but being able to help Kiara out would be amazing. “I gotta go. Thanks for the information.
Later, at home, after I’ve written and uploaded the teaching positions, I call Kiara.
“Hey,” she answers. I swear I can hear a smile in her voice. Or maybe I’m just imagining things.
“Hey yourself,” I reply, laying out on the sofa. Lance jumps on top of me, demanding attention. I pat him roughly. Even the cat strolls over for a pat. “So, I was thinking we might be able to help each other out with something.”
“Really? What?” she says, an edge of suspicion in her voice.
“I’m down two teachers and I hear you’re looking for work,” I say, getting straight to the point. “I want you to apply. You’d have to sit an interview, but I really think you’d be suited to one of the roles.”
“Me?” she laughs. “I mean, I have been looking into teaching, but I’m sure you can get someone with much more experience…”
“Experience isn’t everything,” I remind her. “You’re great with kids, and you love art.”
