AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Sometimes I can’t handle it myself.
We get home and I decide to make her favorite for dinner, crunchy chicken with ranch dressing. We put on our matching aprons and she helps me prep the chicken. She loves doing anything with me, and cooking is no exception. I think I’ve got a little master chef on my hands.
After dinner we watch some TV, and then I give her a bath and get her ready for bed. As she climbs under the covers, I can see something is bothering her by the way her brow is furrowed.
I snuggle up against her, cradling her in my arms. “What is it, sweetie?” I ask, stroking her forehead.
“Do you think Daddy remembers me?” she asks in a small voice.
I kiss her nose and tilt her face so her eyes meet mine. “Daddy loves you and he always will, sweetie.” My voice is firm as I take in her innocence.
God, this must be so hard for her. I regret bringing him up, because I know the likelihood of her having nightmares tonight has just skyrocketed. It’s so much harder for her, because where I can think back on all the good memories I have with Aiden, she’s just a kid. She’s so young that most of her memories are of what he’s like now. I wish I knew what to say to make her feel better, but I don’t, and I hate myself for it.
Turning off the lamp, I stroke her forehead until she falls asleep. I wait another fifteen minutes before I creep out of the room to the sounds of her soft snores. I’m a bundle of emotion and I feel so tightly wound that I might explode. Walking over to the cabinet, I take out a bottle of wine and pour myself a glass.
I need to apply for this job before I talk myself out of it.
Setting my laptop, my wine, and myself up in front of the TV, I follow the link Max sent me to the application form. The first few pages are straightforward and what I expected, but as it goes on, I’m shocked at how in-depth the application form is. At this rate I won’t need an interview, because there’ll be nothing left to ask me.
It takes me nearly two hours to complete the damn thing, and by the time I click submit, I’m exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open. Hey, at least it made me tired enough to probably get to sleep. I can now add teaching applications to my list of things that consume me so much I can sleep without thinking of Aiden.
Before I head to bed, I check in on Tilly. She’s asleep, but I can hear her whimpering softly as she breathes. I tiptoe in and cuddle up to her, gently rubbing her back as she settles back down, hoping I’ve caught this before it turns into something worse. If she went to sleep thinking about Aiden, then chances are high of a nightmare. I hate seeing my little girl suffer.
Pulling over my bedroom door, I peel off my clothes and climb into bed. Throwing the sheets over me, I reach for my phone and text Max.
Me: You can stop hassling me. I applied for the damn job.
Max: Good. I’m glad to hear you came to your senses and realized I was right. And that kind of attitude will get you everywhere. Did you choose a movie yet? If you’re still free Saturday, I mean.
Me: I have a five-year-old. I’m never free.
Max: Good point. Well, can you get Ellie to look after her? You need to get out more. With friends. Like, you know, friends do.
I laugh and text back a reply. I know Ellie won’t mind looking after Tilly—especially if it’s because I’m going out with Max again.
Me: Okay. I’ll let you know what time.
I look through the movie listings and decide on a chick flick that I know he’s going to hate. I text Max and tell him to meet me at the theater at seven Saturday night.
It’s been such a long day that I have no idea how to feel. My mind is still running, but I’m too tired to fight sleep any longer. Setting my phone on the table beside me, I turn off the light and snuggle into the covers, staring into the darkness that engulfs me. A lump forms in my throat as guilt consumes me. I’m lying in our bed, texting another man. In my efforts to get comfortable, my leg creeps over to the other side of the bed where it’s met with such coldness that my throat constricts. His side of the bed. It will never feel warmth again. I close my eyes and listen to the sound of my pounding heart.
It’s like every tiny thing is out to remind me of how alone I feel.
Chapter Thirteen
Max
I stand outside the movie theater fifteen minutes before the movie is due to start, waiting for her to arrive. Today’s the first Saturday where my focus hasn’t been work, and it feels weird, like I’m playing hooky or something. I’ve just paid for the tickets when I see her round the corner. She looks gorgeous in a pair of faded jeans and a deep blue sweater. Her long dark hair is swept back into a loose bun. She grins, her eyes sparkling as she approaches me.
“Sorry. I didn’t expect the traffic to be so bad.” She winces.
“It’s all good.” I hold up the tickets.
She grabs the tickets and examines them. “How did you know what we were seeing?”
“Because it’s not like we have any other choice,” I respond, my voice dry. “It’s the only thing playing at seven. Trust me, if I could’ve, I would have gotten tickets to something else.” Total lie. I’d see anything for this woman. I eye her seriously. “Now to the most important thing—popcorn or chocolate?”
“Why not both?” She shrugs, a gleam in her eye.
