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Everything I do is for this tiny little person right here.
She's my whole world, and I’ll do whatever I need to do in order to protect her.
After saying goodbye to Ellie, I carry Tilly out to the car and secure her into her seat. She stirs, but doesn't wake up. We arrive home and I carefully lift her out of her seat and carry her to bed, tucking her in. For thirty minutes I just sit there and watch her sleep, taking everything in: the way she smiles, the way her face scrunches up when she reaches up to scratch her little nose. I lean over and kiss her gently on the forehead.
“I love you,” I whisper softly.
She mumbles something incoherent and rolls over.
I could sit here all night and watch her, and in fact I've done it before. After Aidan's accident I spent many nights not sleeping, where I would just sit in here with Tilly as she slept. In a way it was the only thing that could comfort me. Seeing things were still so innocent and sweet for her gave me something to cling to.
It gave me hope.
Eventually, I leave her room and wander back out into the kitchen. I pour myself a wine and text Max. It's nearing ten o'clock, probably too late for him to come over, but part of me really wants to see him. I'm too exhausted to try and analyze what it means when he replies right away, saying he's on his way.
Less than twenty minutes later, he's on my doorstep holding a bottle of wine and wearing a cocky grin. I laugh at him and gesture for him to come inside. He throws me a look and my heart starts racing as I take in his lopsided smile.
“What’s so funny?”
“It took you…” I look at my watch and then back up at him, “…seventeen minutes to get here. What, were you just sitting by your phone waiting for me to text?” I tease, losing myself in his sparkling eyes.
He rolls his eyes. “I happened to be ready when you called so I was able to leave right away. I didn't realize that was such a big deal.”
He smirks as I lead him into the living room, where he throws his jacket down on the sofa.
“Do you have some wine glasses?” he asks, holding up the bottle.
I nod and point toward the kitchen. “The top cupboard above the sink.”
He disappears in there, and returns a few moments later carrying two wineglasses.
“Just half a glass for me,” I say as he pours the sparkling emerald liquid into the glasses. “And aren’t y
ou working tomorrow?” I ask, cocking an eyebrow.
He chuckles and sits down on the couch next to me. I smile, my heart pounding out of control with his close proximity. Is being around him ever going to get easier? I have no idea why this feels so awkward all of a sudden—wait, yes I do. It probably has something to do with the fact that he came over here at ten p.m., after spending most of the day with me. I'm sick of trying to figure out what we are. As if reading my mind, he flashes me a grin.
“So, this is nice and comfortable,” he jokes.
“What did you think about Kaitlin?” I ask, desperate to steer the conversation away from where it’s headed.
He shrugs. “She seems nice. She knows what she's doing—that's always a bonus. And the fact that Jim recommended her…I think you've got nothing to worry about.” His eyes penetrate me as he studies my face. “Surely you'd rather talk about something other than the case after the day you’ve had,” he adds, amused.
He’s right—the last thing I want to do is go over everything again. I’d do anything to get my mind off this whole mess for even just a few seconds.
“Why not let yourself be distracted for a while?” he asks.
My eyes widen as I give him a look. My face heats as his mouth turns into a wide grin. I can’t believe my mind just went there.
“Whatever you’re thinking, that's not what I meant,” he chuckles. “Tell me something about you. Something I don't know.”
“Like what?” I ask, my tone clueless.
“I don't know. What was the last thing you did that was spontaneous and crazy and totally out of your comfort zone?” he presses.
“Invite a strange guy over my house at ten in the evening?” I say, biting my lip. “Or going on a blind date I had no idea I was on?”
He laughs. “If that's the best you can do, then we have a serious problem.”
