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He winces, his brown eyes playful. “That never ends well.”
“Hey,” I retort. I reach ove
r and whack his arm, to which he laughs. “Mum isn’t going to like what I have to say,” I warn him.
“When does she ever like what you have to say?” he replies. “You’re too alike, your mother and you. Always knocking heads.”
It’s true. I love Mum more than anything, but we argue more than anyone I know. It doesn’t affect our relationship, though. Aside from Calli, Mum is my go-to person. We can talk about anything. I guess that’s partly what makes this all so hard. I’ve accepted that life is unpredictable, but watching them suffer still hurts.
I’m about to respond to Dad with some lame comment when Mum comes back in with our drinks, complete with snacks that I’m too nervous to eat. I’m not sure what has me more worked up—telling them about my trip, or the trip itself. I haven’t even checked my ad since I posted it last night, so I have no idea if anyone has even replied. What if I can’t find someone to come with me?
I’ll go by myself before I don’t go at all. But even as I’m thinking it, I know that defeats the whole purpose.
“I’m going away.” I blurt the words out much faster than I wanted to. So much for easing them into it.
Mum’s eyes widen with confusion. She glances at my dad, then back at me. “What are you talking about, Erin? Going where?”
“I’ve booked a trip.”
My heart pounds as I try to swallow, my throat suddenly feeling like it’s closing over. I booked and paid for the whole thing online, non-refundable and with no insurance, because I knew they’d try to talk me out of it. Ten grand down the drain if I don’t go through with this.
“I’m going away. Overseas. For two months. I placed an ad on Craigslist for someone to come with me because I don’t want to take Calli. Or either of you. Or any of my friends.” I cringe. Oh God. The words are spilling out now, just like they tend to do when I get really nervous. Mum’s eyes grow wider—if that’s even possible—and I wait for the explosion I know is coming.
“Tell me you’re joking. Please, Erin.”
My gaze drops, because I don’t know what else to say. They’re never going to understand why I need to do this, so I’m at a loss as to what I say next.
“Erin? Is this one of the side effects of the cancer?”
I laugh, because I can understand why she might think that.
I’ve always been the daughter they never had to worry about, so me taking off overseas with a complete stranger is totally out of the ordinary. Even as a kid I was never in trouble—unless Calli dragged me into it, which happened more often than not.
“No, it’s nothing to do with the cancer.” Well, that’s not totally true. Would I be doing this if I wasn’t sick? Probably not.
“You can’t do this alone. What if something happens to you?”
“Like cancer?” I joke.
Her angry expression wipes the smile off my face pretty quick.
“Mum, I’m sick of things not happening to me because I’m trying too hard to avoid everything. And I’m not going alone.”
“You might as well be going alone,” Mum retorts, her face red. “I’d probably feel better about it if you were. Craigslist, for heaven’s sake?”
I knew I should have left that part out.
“Please don’t fight me on this,” I beg her. I glance at my Dad for help, but he looks as disappointed as my mother does. Am I really being that selfish? I knew this would be hard for them to accept, but surely they’ll come around to the idea. At least until they figure out the other reason behind all this, and by then it will be too late.
“You’re cutting us out of your life,” Mum says, tears springing to her eyes. “How are we supposed to be okay with this?”
“Mum, I’m not—”
“But you are,” she cuts in. “We were supposed to have time to get used to this, but if you leave now…” She shakes her head. “What happens if you don’t come home?”
“You’re going to Ireland next year,” I point out. “What happens if you don’t come home?”
“I don’t have an inoperable brain tumour,” my mother scoffs. “It’s hardly the same and you know it.” She sighs, and kneels down in front of me. “I get why you want to do this, Erin. I really do. And I’m so proud of how you’ve handled this whole…mess. But going off and leaving your family when you need them most isn’t the way to do this.”
