AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Erin
I barely slept all night, so at six a.m. I finally decide to get up. I carefully slide myself out from Cade’s arms and walk to the bathroom. I think I’ve finally made my decision. If he comes back with a yes, then I’m going to have the surgery. It was a lot harder making the decision than I thought it would be. When there was no chance, all I wanted was for it to be fixed. Now that there’s a chance, so many other factors come into play.
The likelihood of me not surviving the surgery is huge. It scares me so much to think I might not wake up from this. I’m not ready to die, but in order to give myself even a chance at living, I know I need to do this.
The shower makes me feel almost human. Once I’m dressed, I make myself a coffee and settle on the couch to watch television until Cade wakes up. I’m not expecting that anytime soon, because morning is a word that rarely enters his vocabulary. I’m halfway through the morning news when my phone vibrates. I look at the screen. It’s Calli.
“Hey, I was going to call you.” I smile, answering the call.
“So you’ve made a decision then?” she asks nervously. She’s been for me having the surgery since I told her the outcome of yesterday’s appointment.
“If he thinks he can remove it, then I’ll do it.”
“I’m so glad to hear that, Panda. I don’t know what the right thing to do is, I just want you around for as long as I can have you.”
“I know.” I slouch back against the cushions on the couch. I feel the same way. It’s impossible to know what the right move is, so I just have to back myself that I’m making the right choice. “Hey, why don’t you come over here? Mum and Dad too? I still have some savings left that will cover your flights.”
Even though I came here with the possibility of assisted suicide in my back pocket, the thought of doing this without saying goodbye to my family is too much. I know that makes no sense, but I had prepared myself for choosing to die. I haven’t had a chance to let this sink in.
After I hang up with Calli, I call my parents. Mum sounds both relieved and terrified when I tell her my decision.
“I want to tell you that you’ve made the right choice, but I don’t know what that is,” she whispers tearfully. “I’ll support whatever it is that you do. I just want a chance to see my baby again.”
“I suggested to Cal that you all come over,” I reply, feeling my own eyes welling up. I want nothing more than to hug my mother right now.
“You mean that?” Mum asks, the hope in her voice making me smile.
“Of course I do,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. “I miss you guys like crazy. But I understand if you can’t come. It’s a long way, especially for such a short time.”
“We’ll be there, Erin. Nothing could keep us away.”
Cade still isn’t awake when I get off the phone with Mum, so I decide to call the girls too. Nora doesn’t answer, but Mel does. She squeals with excitement when she realises it’s me. I’ve neglected my friends, but I know they understand.
“Where the hell have you been, Ez? A phone call or ten would’ve been nice,” she grumbles.
I laugh. I can almost hear the pout through her voice.
“I’m sorry, I know you’ve been busy, but I’ve been dying to talk to you. So much has been happening and you weren’t here to share it with me.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been a bad friend,” I say. “Maybe this will make up for it. I was thinking you and Nora could come over here. My shout.”
“You want us over there?” she repeats, confused. “What’s going on? You’re not getting married are you?” she gasps. “Oh my God. You are!”
“Jesus, no,” I laugh. Only Mel could jump to that conclusion. “I found a surgeon who might be willing to operate.”
“Holy shit, Ez, that’s huge.”
“I know. The risks are very high, so I’m naturally nervous.”
“Say no more. We’ll be there.” She pauses. “But I have to be back for the weekend for Karly’s wedding.”
Karly is her older sister.
“Just seeing you, even for an hour would be amazing. I know it’s a long way—”
“Like I care about that,” she laughs. “I’ll be there. So, now to my news.” She pauses dramatically.
“Yes?” I press, amused.
