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“But you’re not doing it alone,” she argues. “And if you want me to be honest, I think you’re being selfish. It’s like you don’t even care how this is affecting us.”
“That’s not true,” I say quietly. I close my eyes. How do I even try to explain what I’m feeling? How do I tell my sister that I need to get away because I can’t just sit here and wait? I can’t let them smother me because they’re worried I’m overdoing things or that my body isn’t coping. I don’t want the constant reminder that I’m dying.
All I see when I look at my family is death, because that’s all I am to them now.
“I expected you of all people to get why I need to do this,” I say. If I don’t have her support, what hope in hell do I have in getting my parents on my side? I’m doing this regardless, but it would mean so much to me to actually have their support before I go. Maybe I should tell Calli the truth. I shake off the thought as fast as it enters my head. If she can’t accept this, there is no way in hell she’d accept that.
“Who do you think gets the fallout from all this, Ez? Who do you think Mum calls up to complain to? I can’t side with both of you.”
“Why does there have to be sides?” I cry out. “If Mum could just understand—”
“You’re her daughter and you’re dying,” Calli cuts in. “You’re the one who needs to understand here. Not Mum.”
Wow. I can’t believe she actually said that to me. I need to feel guilty about dying now? This conversation is going nowhere, and I’m done exhausting myself over something that is obviously not going to be resolved tonight.
“Cal, I can’t do this with you now. I’ve got to be up early for work—”
“You’re going back to work?” She laughs.
“What do you want me to do?” I say, frustrated.
“I want you to stop acting like everything is fine,” she replies, her tone harsh. “Admit that you’re sick and take care of yourself. Or let us take care of you.”
“And then what?” I demand, warm tears burning my eyes. “I’m sick. Dying. Whatever. I have two choices, Cal: I sit around and take care of myself, then die—or I live the fuck out of the time I have left, then die. The ending doesn’t change, does it?”
She’s quiet, and for the first time I think I might’ve gotten through to her.
“Come over tomorrow, okay? I’ll call Mel and Nora, and you can help me go through the four thousand replies I have to read through.”
“Four thousand?” Calli squeaks. “You’ve had that many responses to your ad? Holy shit.”
“I know,” I giggle. “I can’t even believe four thousand people read my ad, let alone replied.”
“Okay Ez,” Calli sighs. A pang of guilt stabs at me over how tired she sounds. “Get the girls together and I’ll bring the wine. See you tomorrow. Love you, Panda,” she adds, using the nickname she’s had for me since we were kids.
I smile, thinking how easy things were back then. I knew nothing of life and death, other than that my amazing family and the people I loved were invincible. Back then, my biggest problem was making sure my shoes matched the rest of my outfit. I did everything right, and things still turned out all wrong. I’ve spent the last twenty-four years following every rule and never pushing the boundaries, and I’m determined to change that.
“Love you too.”
Chapter Two
Cade
“I’m not sure that you understand how serious this is, Mr Wilson.”
It’s Monday morning, and the advisor that has been appointed to my case glances at me over the rim of his glasses as I shift in my seat. His voice cracks, and coupled with his skinny frame and spotty complexion I’m wondering if he’s just hitting puberty. I scowl at him and sit forward. There’s something extra special about having my arse handed to me by someone who looks like he’s barely out of high school.
“You’ve missed too much. I can’t just pass you off when you haven’t been here to do the work.”
Four years of hard work, all for nothing, because of my own fucking stupidity.
I thought I had a handle on it, but even I can’t kid myself any longer. I’m in deep shit. The worst thing is that failing my course is the least of my worries. I’m much more concerned about the two-hundred-kilo tattoo-covered thug who I’m sure is going to break my legs if I don’t come up with fifty grand by Monday. And then there’s Bella, but I can’t even think about that right now.
“Cade,” he barks, clearly annoyed. “You should be sitting here begging me to help you, not with your head God knows where. What’s with you?” He flicks through my file, shaking his head.
My fists clench as I try to rein in my anger, because all I want to do is wipe the look of disbelief off his face. He thinks he’s so much better than me.
“You were on a distinction average until last semester. What happened?”
