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“I’m terri
fied of him one day resenting me. I’m terrified of him losing me. I’m terrified of letting him love me.”
“Why would he resent you?” she spoke softly, with such concern. “Honey, he loves you.”
“I know he loves me. But how can I be with him when I’m so wrong in the head? Can you imagine what he’d do if I killed myself? He blamed himself for Belle’s death for so long; the thought of that happening again breaks my heart.”
Darcy set her juice down and took my hand and squeezed it. “You might be doing him more harm by denying his love. Imagine how hard it would’ve been for him to admit he was ready to move on. That would’ve been a huge step for him. What if he doesn’t find another you? Then what? He fills up the hole in his life with ‘Harmonys’?”
I screwed up my nose at the mention of her name.
“Exactly,” Darcy declared.
“I need time to think,” I mumbled. My mind was such a mess.
“So think. But remember, you deserve to be happy as much as he does. And what if being with Jack does make a difference to how you feel? Maybe the thing that’s been missing in your life is unconditional love . . . something you never had from your parents.” I couldn’t believe how wise Darcy was sometimes. Everything was saying made perfect sense.
I needed to go home, sleep, and think about what I wanted. And then just hope like hell I wasn’t too late.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jack
“So, just like that?” Alex repeated.
“Just like that. BAM!—sucker punched in the face,” I confirmed glumly. “I was so ready, Alex. I loved Belle so damn much, and for the first time since her death I felt ready to move on. She would’ve wanted that, you know?”
“Give Rose time, she’ll come around. She’s been through a lot too, you know? And all she’s doing here is trying to spare your feelings.” That’s what made it so awful. She shot me down because, in her mind, I was better off without her. How could I show her that couldn’t be further from the truth?
“She raised a valid question, though,” Alex mused. “How would you feel if she tried to kill herself again? Are you sure you could handle that?”
“Fuck Alex, why would you ask me that?” I said darkly. “I don’t know how I’d feel. If I lost her, I’d be devastated, but I think not having her at all would be worse.”
A smile spread across his lips. “Wow. Are you really Jack? You’ve become so . . . deep and emotional,” he teased.
“Fuck off,” I growled, tossing the remote at him. It bounced off his shoulder and landed on the floor.
“Ouch. That hurt, you know. I hope it broke so you need to get up and change the channel,” he grumbled. “So what are you going to do? You already know I think you should give her some space. Let her figure out her head and then try and talk to her again.”
I nodded. “Then that’s what I’ll do.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Rose
Most of my weekend was spent thinking about Jack, and then thinking about Jack some more. Slowly, it was dawning on me that I’d never be able to move on from him. Not allowing myself to be happy might be what killed me in the end. If I was going to lock myself away then I may as well have been dead.
Jack was right. We have no way of knowing when or how we will die. I could list over a thousand ways that I might die and I’d have only covered about one percent. Not exactly a comforting thought, but it was the truth.
In order to get better, I had to let myself feel, not only love, but everything. I’d let more people into my heart the past month than I had in twenty-two years. To me, that said progress. I had a long way to go, but at least I was heading in the right direction.
The thought of being with Jack made my heart race. It made my body tingle in anticipation. To experience that kind of connection with someone was something I’d craved for a long time. It wasn’t fair to either of us for me to deny that.
#
I woke up the morning of the reopening with a lot of work to do. I had most of it worked out already, but there were two things I needed help with; one from Darcy, and one from Benj. After I was showered and dressed, I went upstairs.
“Rose?” Darcy yawned when she opened the door. “It’s barely daylight.”
