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Damn. He had me there. That was exactly what Cass had said. If I said yes, then what was there to worry about? If I said no, then did I really trust Simon?
“I think maybe I don’t trust his love for me,” I said quietly. My heart began to thump. Saying that aloud to someone, was a huge thing. So many of my thoughts were not fit for human consumption, they should never leave my head.
Once a thought got out, there was no taking it back, no denying it and saying it affected me more than thinking it. I didn’t trust his love for me. I didn’t believe he could love me forever.
“Emma?” I looked up. Doctor Nichols smiled at me. “I think you’ve had a breakthrough here. Do you think Simon can do better than you?”
“Yes,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. And if I think he could do better than me, how long until he realized that? “It’s not just that I think he can do better, its more I don’t see what I have that Claire doesn’t, but I see plenty of things that she has that I don’t.”
“Claire, the ex-wife I’m guessing?” he asked. I nodded. “So he was married, they had a child, they divorced, he met you, you got pregnant, engaged, but you think she still has feelings for him.” He eyed me, waiting for clarification. I nodded, trying to ignore the fact that my life sounded like a soap opera.
“Have you spoken to Simon about how his relationship with Claire makes you feel?”
“No, because how I feel is stupid and irrational and I don’t want to be the girl, who tells her guy, he can’t see so and so because it makes me feel insecure,” I said, staring at the floor.
“I think you should talk to him, Emma. At the very least, it will make him more aware of how his actions toward Claire, make you feel. All this is doing at the moment is causing you unnecessary stress.” He pointed to my stomach “And that’s stress you and your baby don’t need right now.”
He made a lot of sense, but I wasn’t sure that was a conversation I could bring up to Simon.
We chatted for a little bit longer until my half hour appointment was up. Cass contained herself until we were out of the building.
“He was hot!” she hooted loudly, capturing the attention of several passers-by.
“Shh!” I whispered, flushing. She rolled her eyes.
“Come-on Em. You told me yourself you thought he was hot. No point denying it now.”
A cough behind me caused me to turn around.
Oh god no.
I was staring into the eyes of an amused Doctor Nichols. To say I was so, so embarrassed would be an understatement. I tried to speak but my mouth wouldn’t work.
“Excuse me ladies, just popping out for some lunch.” He smiled at me as he squeezed past us. I blushed, trying to ignore the tight knots forming in my stomach. “See you next week, Emma,” he called over his shoulder.
I pulled Cass into the first café we passed.
“Tell me that did not just happen,” I groaned, falling into a seat, covering my face with a menu.
“Oh, that happened, Em. That was a classic!” she giggled. “Oh don’t be so glum, you’re allowed to look at other men, you know!” she shoved me playfully, “I do it all the time!”
“Cass! My psychiatrist probably thinks I’ve got a crush on him now!” I groaned, burying my face in my hands. “This is so embarrassing,” I muttered. How was I going to show my face next week?
“He didn’t seem to be complaining,” Cass giggled, ordering two juices from the waitress who had walked over to us.
“Shut up,” I grumbled. “It’s your fault for going on about how hot he is.”
“He is hot and you said so yourself. Has Simon seen how attractive your new psychiatrist is? I wouldn’t be letting you loose with that for half hour a week,” she laughed. I shook my head, hiding a smile. Would he get jealous if he saw my hot young psychiatrist?
After our drink Cass dropped me back at home. Walking me to the door, she gave me a hug.
“Call me if you need anything, okay?” she asked. I nodded and closed the door.
Damn it was good to be home.
Chapter Nine
Emma
