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“This has been great, Simon,” Mom laughed as we sat down for lunch in a diner near where Leila lived. That was our next stop. I didn’t get up there nearly as often as I should and I felt guilty about not seeing mom and Leila.
“What do you want?” I asked Maddie who was still pouring over the menu.
“A cheeseburger,” she announced, nodding her head decisively. “And a milkshake?” she added hopefully. I laughed and nodded.
“Just don’t tell your mom.” Unable to resist the call of the cheeseburger, I ordered one for myself too, while mom ordered a chicken salad. Mom had noticed my mood was much brighter today, though I was yet to explain to her what had happened.
“What now, daddy?” Maddie asked, pushing her near empty plate aside. I gaped at her, not entirely sure where she had put all that food.
“Grandma wants to take the birthday girl shopping,” I said, my eyes wide.
“Ooh, really?” she cried, the excitement almost too much for her. It was her fifth birthday next week and I knew mom would love to be able to spend the afternoon with her, which also left me free to go and visit Leila.
After dropping Maddie and mom off at the nearby mall, I drove to the home where Leila was. For a nursing home, it wasn’t too bad and there were quite a few people around her age living there. I’d heard horror stories about the condition and treatment of residents in some of these places, so along with mom, we had made sure Leila was placed in the best facility in the area. Mom would still have her at home occasionally, but those days were becoming rarer as Leila slowly got worse.
The place had undergone some renovations, but not significant enough for me not to know my way to her room. Like all the residents, she had a private room, hers overlooking the gardens. The rooms were bright and individually decorated with photos, pictures and other things that personalized each space.
The extent of Leila’s injuries meant she spent all her time in bed, basically unresponsive. Unlike when Em was unconscious, Leila would lay there, her eyes open, staring at the wall. She showed no responsiveness at all. She was like a shell.
Sitting down next to her bed, I reached out and held her hand. She looked as though she’d aged ten years in the year that I’d seen her. Guilt crept through me. I should’ve have been in earlier. She was my sister and I shut her away like she was a bad secret.
“Hey Leila. How are you? It’s been a long time,” I smiled, stroking her dark hair behind her ear. She stared back at me blankly. “You have a new little niece. Her name’s Mirabella. She’s a beautiful little thing with a dark mop of hair.” Leila stared right past me and as I squeezed her hand I got no response.
I stayed with Leila for about an hour, talking to her about whatever came into my mind, wanting to fill the silence. Before I left, I kissed her on the head, unable to shake the feeling that this might be the last time I would see her. According to mom, her lung and breathing issues had been getting steadily worse, to the point where she was hospitalized a couple of times a month. I felt some sense of relief that I had been into see her. Some of the guilt I’d harbored over never seeing Leila had begun to subside.
The mall was busy, but I could spot bouncing Maddie and mom waiting just outside the main entrance. I pulled into an empty parking space and honked the horn. Maddie spotted me first, grabbing moms arm and tugging her toward the car. I chuckled to myself, positive mom would sleep very well tonight. I knew I always did after a few hours with Maddie.
“How did you two go?” I asked as they climbed into the car, Maddie in the back and mom into the passenger seat.
“You should see what Grandma got me, daddy!” piped up Maddie. I rolled my eyes at mom.
“What? It’s her birthday, I’m allowed to spoil her.”
“Yeah Daddy, she’s allowed to spoil me,” Maddie added. I shook my head, knowing there was no way I was going to win this one.
Pulling into mom’s driveway, we walked inside, Maddie running straight into the living room to play with her new toys.
“How did you go with Leila?” mom asked softly.
“Good. I feel better having seen her. It’s weird, but it feels like she’s not there, you know?” I said. Mom nodded.
“I know,” mom agreed, “every time I see her I can see she is getting worse. The chest infections are more often and last for longer.” She lowered her head, trying to hide her tears. I put my arms around her shoulders, hugging her as she cried.
“I just feel like…I wish her suffering would stop, you know?” she said, “What mom thinks like that?”
“You’ve watched her suffer for over twenty years. You see the pain she goes through, mom. It’s natural that you don’t want her to suffer,” I said softly.
“I’m glad you’re here, Simon.”
“I’m glad too. We will get up here more often, I promise,” I said, kissing her cheek which was still damp from tears.
“Have you and Emma fixed things?” she asked suddenly.
“I think we have. There had been so much going on the last month and our relationship moved forward so quickly…I’m just glad things are back on track now.”
Mom followed me into the spare room and helped me pack Maddie’s stuff. Since my decision to leave had been so sudden, I had been wearing the same clothes for the past two days. I was looking forward to getting home and seeing Em and Mirabella.
Maddie was asleep when I pulled into Claire’s driveway, I carefully carried her inside and placed her into bed. Claire stood by the door and watched as I readied her for the night. Once I’d tucked her in, I followed Claire into the kitchen.
