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I nod. I know that, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to know why. Is it so wrong that I want answers?
I turn to him. “Is it worth it?” I ask. I’m annoyed at his ability to make me feel like I’m holding back, when he’s doing the exact same thing.
“What?” he replies, his brow furrowed.
“Whatever keeps you from reconnecting with your son. I want to know if it’s worth it,” I repeat.
He sighs and stares at the ground below him, sweeping the dirt aside with the point of his shoe.
“The only thing keeping me from trying is the fear of rejection,” he finally says. “I know that contradicts everything I’ve just said to you, but I’m trying to make you learn from me. I’ve made mistakes in my life that are unforgivable and I have to live with that. I’ve learned from them and moved on.”
“But have you really moved on?” I ask pointedly.
He chuckles, giving me a sideways glance.
“I didn’t think so.” I try a different tactic. “If you reach out to him, what’s the worst that can happen?”
“At this stage what I stand to lose is significant.” He gets to his feet before I can continue to question him. “I should get back to the office. I hope coming out here with me helped you. Even if only a little.”
“It did,” I say, standing up.
I walk behind, watching him thoughtfully. Was he really as bad a father as he thinks he was, or is that his guilt talking? I couldn’t imagine losing a child, especially at the hands of someone you love—someone who is supposed to protect that child at all costs. He’s like a complex puzzle that I can’t quite make fit back together. I want to keep pushing, but just like with Lucas, I’m afraid of pushing him too far.
Chapter Nineteen
Lucas
“So, have you told her yet?”
My sleep is interrupted as Eva flicks on the light and bounds onto the bed. She’s way too happy for what has to be too early in the morning for conversation. I bury my head under my pillow and mumble something incoherent. Eva clicks her tongue and grabs hold of the pillow, ripping it from me.
“Hi to you too,” I mumble, sitting up. I yawn and run my hand through my hair. “Harry let you in?”
“I’m assuming that Harry is your roommate?”
I nod and she rolls her eyes.
“Then I guess he let me in. He’s passed out by your front door. His leg was wedging the door open.”
I sigh. It’s a wonder we haven’t been burgled.
“Are you going to answer me?”
“No, I haven’t told her, and I don’t plan on it either.”
Eva shrugs. “Then get used to her and Aaron.” Her eyes widen. “Maybe she’ll be your new stepmother. That’d be fun, right?”
“Why are you here, Eva?” I groan. I roll over and bury myself under the covers.
She rips them off me too and throws them on the ground. “Because you offered me a place to stay, remember?”
I grunt a response. Vague memories of a conversation had two nights ago come back to me. Her house-sitting gig was up and she needed somewhere to crash. I just wasn’t expecting her to arrive at some obscenely early hour of the morning.
“And also to make sure you’re not moping over some girl because you don’t have the balls to do anything about it.” She stands at my bed, her hands on her hips, glaring at me. “I’m not here for much longer. I want to make sure you’re okay before I leave.”
“Fine, but why do you give a shit?” I grumble. I stand up and grab a pair of jeans crumpled on the floor. “I’m just some dude you met in a bar.”
“No, you’re just some poor, lost puppy I’ve adopted and decided to put my time and effort into helping,” she says sweetly, wrapping her arms around my neck.
