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The two live together, so it’s plausible to think that he would have access to her computer, but it still doesn’t answer the question why. I’m about to ask that very question when she continues.
“Karly’s my cousin.” The weight of a hundred bricks comes crashing down on my chest, restricting my breathing.
“Why didn’t you say anything when we talked the other night? I had no idea,” I say between breaths. I knew there was something familiar about Zara, and had thought at first maybe there was some connection, but she’s Karly’s exact opposite.
“That’s not all,” she says, glancing up at me through tear-stricken lashes. “I thought you were the one who got her pregnant and scared her. I recorded us together with the intention of releasing the video after I carefully disguised myself, but Dillon got to the video before I got the chance.”
“Zara, I would have never been involved with Karly. She was an excellent student and a very nice girl, but I never saw her any other way. I knew of her pregnancy, but I assure you, I’m not the one who caused it.”
“I know. Please let me finish. If I don’t get it all out, I never will.” Swallowing as much air as she can, Zara squares her shoulders, wipes away the tears, and continues. “Karly was sleeping with Dillon behind my back. He got her pregnant, and he was the one who threatened her. He’s the reason she killed herself, but for the last year I thought it was you. I hid the USB drive with the video, but he found it. I don’t know if it was jealousy or what, but he sent the email to everyone from my computer. Noah, I’m so sorry I dragged you into my mess. I was so upset after Karly died, I needed someone to blame, and instead of her telling me she’d been screwing my boyfriend, she said she had an affair with a teacher.”
The mixed emotions swirling around my head are overwhelming. Knowing there was nothing I could have done to save Karly takes away a heaviness I’ve felt since they found her body. Realizing that the only reason Zara sought me out was to avenge her cousin’s death is disturbing. Nothing was real. She was an act. A façade. Our entire relationship—every conversation, detail, glance—it was a show.
“I’m very sorry you had to deal with all of that. You’re a wonderful girl and to know that you’ve bee
n dealing with this all alone makes me so regretful that instead of trying to talk to you, I jumped into bed with you. For that, I’ll be sorry forever. But on the other hand, I’m not sure how this information changes anything.”
“I don’t know what to say. I wanted you to pay. I wanted justice for Karly. For her baby. I fucked everything up so bad. I don’t know how to fix it. Please tell me how to fix this,” she begs, more tears streaming down her face.
Staring into her bloodshot emerald eyes, I tell her the only thing that makes any sense right now. “There’s nothing anyone can do. I’ll have to deal with the fallout from the university and decide what kind of career I’ll want in the future. You’re going to have to live with what you’ve done. It’s a sad and harsh reality, but it’s just that, Zara. Reality.”
“But…” she starts, then clamps her mouth shut. Tossing the afghan from her lap, she stands and marches toward me. Stopping just before our legs touch, she looks down at me and her expression softens. “I love you, Noah. I want you. To be with you. I need you. Even when I thought you were still the one who hurt Karly, I wasn’t going to release the video because I had fallen in love with you.”
Unsure of what to say, I look down. As angry as I am, I’m not sure I’ll be able to withstand the pull I’ll feel if I stare into her eyes. “I don’t know what to say to you, Zara. I very well could have fallen in love with you, but I don’t know a single thing about you. I let you in and you played me.”
“No. Noah. No,” she cries, falling to her knees, angling her head awkwardly so our eyes meet. “You know me. The real me.” Zara jabs her index finger into her chest, her tears falling onto my jeans. “You were falling in love with me.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, placing my hands on her shoulders and softly pushing her back so I can get off the couch. As I walk into the kitchen, she’s on my heels, not letting the conversation go.
“Dammit, Noah. Listen to me. Yes, my actions were wrong, but I’ve been crazy after losing Karly. We were like sisters, twins—I couldn’t get over what happened, and all of the evidence pointed to you. Yes, I was wrong. God, I feel horrible about everything. I couldn’t have been more wrong. But from the start I’d been fighting our attraction, trying to make you this monster in my head, but my heart didn’t believe it. Please, don’t walk away from me—I can’t lose you, too. We can figure this out. I’ll figure it out. Please.”
“There’s nothing for you to figure out. The damage is done and it’s on me to figure out where to go from here.”
“Go there with me. Be with me. Let me back in.” My heart races. Had none of this happened and she’d said these words to me…I don’t even know. I would have married her on the spot, probably. I had been thinking she was it for me, too. The woman I was supposed to be with, the one who would save me from a lifetime of loneliness or misery. Breaking it off with Shannon was the best decision I’ve ever made, and if it wasn’t for my feelings for Zara, I probably wouldn’t have pushed it, but I did.
“Zara,” I whisper, as she curls herself around my waist, squeezing tightly, sobbing into my chest. I want to reciprocate. I want to comfort her. I want to tell her it’s all going to be okay.
But again, I can’t.
I won’t.
“I’m sorry,” I say, pushing her away and walking into the master suite and locking the door. I just need a few minutes and then we can get back on the road. Get her back to town and try to forget Zara Hamilton ever waltzed through my door, into my classroom, and into my heart.
Just a few more minutes.
Chapter 27
Zara
I have to do something.
This is my only chance to get through to him. Any second, he is going to walk out of that bedroom and drive me back to the city and whatever we had will be gone. I have one chance to try to salvage this and I’m not about to let that opportunity slip by.
With a quick glance at the bedroom, I move for the front door, grabbing his keys from the table in the foyer. I have no idea what I’m doing. I just know that we need more time together to figure this out. I fucked up…big-time, but he said he was falling in love with me. Doesn’t that mean we’re supposed to fight through hell to get to heaven? We have to.
Popping open the trunk, I reach in for my purse. I’ll call Mel, and she’ll explain to him that sure I was acting a little crazy, but I had good intentions. He has no reason to think she’s a liar, like he does me. I also have Karly’s letter inside my wallet. He’d said before he was living with the what-ifs. Maybe I can change that and give him a little comfort that there was nothing he could have done.
Setting the keys down inside my bag, I pull out the letter, reading over the first few lines. I’m so angry she lied to me and caused all of this, but had she not lied, I would have never met Noah or found out about Dillon. Tears prick my eyes as Noah’s shoes crunch on the gravel in the driveway.
