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“Well? What did she say?” Is it weird that I’m dying to know because I’ve never seen my stoic cousin look so perplexed?
“Super plus and the panty liners, Dove dark chocolates with the sea salt and caramel, and a liter of ginger ale.”
“Dark chocolate?” I wouldn’t have pegged Kristen as a dark lover, but maybe it had special vitamins and shit in it. Hunter’s face did not invite conversation about the finer qualities of chocolate density.
“Are you questioning, my girl?” Hunter had that caveman looking going. I decided it wasn’t worth pursuing a black eye before the bachelor party I was planning.
“Nope. No questions here.”
“Garb the shit and let’s go.”
“Okay… so one of each to be safe?” He grunted again nodding and I passed off the liter of ginger ale to him. “Maybe some trashy girly magazines too?”
“Duh, Kristen is psycho on her cycle. I’m not stupid, are you?” Muttering about crazy females I loaded my arms up with every People Weekly, US, and tabloid I can while Hunter filled his arms with his own ration of chocolates and soda.
“So do you want to drop this off as a drive by or are you planning on staying? I can keep the truck idling, but if she answers the door with a sawed off shot gun you’re on your own, cousin.”
“Definitely a drive by.” I told Hunter as I pulled my wallet out to pay. There was no way I was staying unless Pebbles verbally indicated she wished for my presence and even then I would question her sanity. I loved her but right at this moment the way things were between us I wasn’t about to let it consume me if she couldn’t make up mind about what she wanted. I walked out of the drug store spending over a hundred dollars on tampons, trashy mags, and snacks in a combo of sweet and salty wondering where the hell I dropped my man card in all of this.
14
Kristen
“What are you doing?” Taylor’s voice questions all my crafting paraphernalia, her eyes darting to the hot pink glitter sprinkled all over my coffee table like a pack cocaine fairies visited me. I probably should have locked my front door when I decided to start doing this project.
“Um, I call this upgrading mail.” I said pouring out a little bit of hot pink sparkle into my palm.
Damien dropped off my period rations knocking on my door. I barely had it opened to watch him jog down the street and get into Hunter’s truck. I waved at them both with my middle finger raised in thanks before shutting the door. I couldn’t blame him for being a chicken shit when I had my moments of certifiable insanity. If I couldn’t stand being in my own skin, I could hardly ask others to tolerate me either.
It was the pop up memories on social media that triggered this bout of craziness.
“Well it looks like your steaming the envelopes to open them up undetected.” Taylor picked up an envelope I just finished resealing turning it over with an accusing eye. “I didn’t realize you were blinging a crime scene or cr
eating a meth lab for bedazzlers.”
I grabbed the envelope back adding it to my pile, “Don’t give me that look. He deserves every shiny sharp bit of misery inside that envelope.” I pointed my finger at her.
“Because he dropped off your period supplies?”
“He brought me dark chocolate instead of the milk chocolate Dove squares.” I thought the explanation should have been sufficient. Didn’t matter if I wanted both or none of the above, I was flying on my irrational radar this week and all bets were off.
“And because he did exactly what you wanted, you’re punishing him?” I looked up blankly. I hated when she was right.
“Quiet.” I said.
“You’re being exceptionally bitchy and I can’t help with you with that.”
‘Then why point out the obvious?” I husked back. She was right, I hated when she was right and nine times out of ten my BFF was always right.
“Is that why you’re wearing your break up unicorn pajamas? This is all over the wrong milk density of chocolate?” I looked down and spied the rainbow mess and unicorn pattern dancing across my chest. I’d worn them during every boy crisis since my fourteenth birthday. We had more than a decade of memories woven into the cotton of these pajamas; they were definitely the fabric of my life. Taylor had a pair with kittens chasing yarn, but I don’t mention them. She’s only had one true love and I felt like I got handed a shitty deck of cards.
“Whatever. I haven’t done laundry this week.” A twisted eyebrow tells me Taylor knows I’m bullshitting her. It doesn’t help that a completely clean pile of folded laundry is resting on the edge of the couch. I use my elbow to knock it over. “See, nothing to wear here.” Shrugging off my childish behavior, I go back to steaming another envelope over the candle flame I set up on my coffee table.
“You’re tampering with mail which I’m sure is still a federal offense. You do remember the last time you two were arrested for disturbing the peace, right?” How could I forget? And it was actually just me because I got into a fight with that skank Hunter had been seeing briefly. Taylor’s my best friend so I couldn’t let that hoe-bag come between them. I’m sure there was a clause somewhere in the bestie code book where she needed to be extra nice to me during my current turmoil for having her back.
“Hey, your boyfriend still owes me for defending your honor to that bitch, Brittany.” It was a good thing I had been fooling around with Evan at the time who happened to come by the house. All he did was bring me down to the station on some formalities and let me go with a ticket because he had to give me something, and dick didn’t count while he was on duty… which was honestly a pity because his was super fine. Blame my raging hormones if you must.
“You need a babysitter.” She says this every time, but we know it’s only because our lives are changing drastically at the speed of light. She was my wing-woman for years, and I’m nothing but a wild monkey from Oz flying free without her.
