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Robocop: Should I bring food over?

Whit: No thanks, the girls ordered enough pizza for an apocalypse.

Robocop: What kind of pizza?

Whit: Pepperoni and a veggie white pie.

Robocop: They can’t be that high then. Meat-lovers would have been a dead giveaway.

Whit: Thanks?

Robocop: The more you know, bro.

Whit: I’d rather not.

Robocop: Save me a slice?

Whit: Fuck you very much.

Robocop: My pleasure.

I laid back on the bed listening to the water running in the bathroom. If she’s not out soon I’ll have to send out a search party for one in the water closet. A few minutes later Lia shuffled into the room shutting the door. She plopped herself down on the end of the bed looking ragged and drenched. I wondered if she took a bird bath in the sink or actually got into the shower with her clothes on.

“Did you even towel off the water?” I sat up in her bed that was not big enough for the both of us as she crawled over me laying on my legs. I should take her to my place, but I didn’t want to rile the beast. I was already annoyed and pretty sure I’d say a few things I didn’t mean right now.

Mostly it started with: What the fuck, Lia. What. The. Fuck.

“Huh? Oh.” She lifted up a lock of wet purple hair giggling. I rolled my eyes. My god, I hadn’t recalled what getting high was like for at least a decade and it pissed me off that I had to relive it vicariously with her despite the circumstances.

“You feel better?” Frowning I leaned over pulling her down with me. She still looked green and her skin felt clammy. I reached for her trashcan and put it by the side of the bed for just in case.

“I feel stupid if that helps.” She inclined against me, her limbs loose like a doll and I kissed her forehead.

“Well, here’s Mr. Bucket if you need it.”

She chuckled groaning, “Oh Mr. Bucket, my buddy.” A sigh and she’s melancholy all over again.

“This is why I worry about you. Dinah is always pulling shit like this.” I’d be shocked if the girl didn’t have a shoplifting charge in her past somewhere or some other juvenile offence she got a slap on the wrist for. Dinah was the kind of girl who could weasel her way out of anything, but my Amelia would be the one to get caught every time which worried me to no end. I wanted to protect her from shit like this. My head hurt just thinking about it.

“Whit, I bought the sage so stop it.” She moaned weakly rolling over. “I really thought it was sage.” Her cheeks flushed and I didn’t want to belabor this fact any more than necessary but facts were facts and even I had a hard time reconciling that she actually didn’t know the smell of illicit drugs.

“It smells nothing like sage.”

“Well, I know that now. Too bad you weren’t with us then. Do you want to start yelling at people in your yard next?”

“What?”

“You. Old Yeller.” She poked me

in the chest clearly not sober or coherent to have this conversation. “You wanna sit on your porch with a shotgun and yell at people. Bang! Bang!” She waved her hands around and I pulled them down securing her closer against me.

I wished I had been with her too, if anything to protect her and avoid this whole mess. Though how does one know their girlfriend is going to leave the house and procure drugs accidentally? She’s my very own free spirited Phoebe. I must be Ross, and as uptight as ever.

I sighed pulling her against me tight. “Sleep it off, Cheech.” I’m positive she has no idea what I’m referencing and it doesn’t take long for her soft snore to vibrate against my neck. Her muffled sounds lulled me down with her. It’s peaceful in her arms despite the afternoon drama and I spend the next hour developing a crick in my back from her too small bed wondering if this is worth the aggravation.

23

Lia

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