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Yup, it’s definitely worse.
“I can’t.” I cover my face with my hands mortified as Chase fingers me in the most non-sexual way possible searching for latex jammed up inside me.
“Winn, you have to relax. You’re tighter than a jar of pickles.” His other palm caresses my stomach gently making me shiver. Ugh this is not the time to feel aroused when your boyfriend is fingers deep on a hunting expedition for a condom rescue party.
“Pickles?” Peeking through my hands, I watched him and take a deep breath. He’s efficient and quick, but it doesn’t change the fact when he pulls out a broken piece of the condom.
I whimpered seeing that broken piece of latex as the end of the world.
“You’re on the pill; I think we’ll be fine.” Chase got up from the bed patting my knee like my doctor would and I cringed.
My hands fisted and pound into the mattress. Chase frowned
“It’s not your vagina that will host a symbiotic being inside of it before a violent expulsion.” I cried. I don’t know why this bothers me so much.
Yes, I do.
Children frighten me.
They scare me more than dogs with bad breath and loose bowels.
He crossed his arms over his impressive chest but I am so far out of the mood for sex that it does nothing for me.
“I think you watch too many alien movies.”
“What should we name it?”
“Name what?”
“The baby we’re having.”
Chase rolled his shoulders leaning over the bed to pin me back down. His eyes bored into mine seriously. “Christ, Winsome, you’re not pregnant.”
I panicked because that’s what anyone would do in this situation, right?
“You don’t know that for sure. Doctors don’t know everything.” Chase rolled his eyes at me and my face blushed hot. Didn’t pregnant woman have higher body temperatures? They flushed easily and now so was I. He was trying to hold my hands down from flailing and the urge to flee overwhelmed me. This couldn’t possibly be happening, could it?
“Babe, I’m pretty confident you’re okay. Relax. I have to find one more piece.” His hand cupped my mound as he rubbed his finger over my clit. My body was singing for release, but my head was miles away.
“Relax?” I screeched. Chase wouldn’t be the one gaining weight and eating six kinds of pickles from jars I couldn’t possibly open with rocky road ice cream.
“Or don’t relax.” He muttered clearly as bothered by this as I was.
“Maybe I’m horse ovulating.” I know I’m being impossible but a baby literally scared the abstinence in me as it should. I can’t even boil water without the fire department showing up; I can’t be left unattended with a living, breathing human being. Mere plants browned in my presence. The only thing I managed to do passingly well so far was take care of three dogs who I was certain would eat me in my sleep if I forgot to feed them.
“No, I’m pretty sure you’re not.” Chase looked exasperated and went in deep before pulling out the offending last piece of latex and my sanity. “See, all done.”
“Bravo Doc. Planning on making the rounds later?” I’m feeling sarcastic and Chase ignored me.
“Shower time, city girl and if you’re still ornery I’ll take you to get the morning after pill to be sure.” He pulled me up sitting and then hoisted me over his shower buck naked in a fireman’s hold.
“Chase! Put me down!” My hand slapped his ass but he doesn’t care.
“Come on. The longer you’re upside down the more likely my baby matter is mixing with yours.” He doesn’t let up and I’m a little fearful I might fall so I hold on. He brings me into the bathroom setting me down gently.
“Ohmigod! Put me down this instant!” Was that even possible? Were we making a baby as we spoke? I felt a rush of liquid between my legs and winced making the gross face. I hoped not.
“Winston.”
