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“Where have you been the past three months?” she asks. “Why don’t you go back? ... Why don’t we?” her voice is so small when she says ‘we’. I can tell she wants to come with me, wherever that is, but she also doesn’t have the confidence to say it so loudly. I’m the one who abandoned her, after all.
“I was in another country, Nia. And even then, I wasn’t completely safe. Once this war dies down, whoever’s left is going to have some kind of beef with me, and they’ll finally have enough time and resources to hunt me down, wherever I am. No one ever forgets in the underworld. My only option is to put them in the ground before they put me there first.”
Nia looks defeated. The flame around her is flickering. I need her to understand what’s at stake.
“... I’m pregnant,” she suddenly whispers.
Her voice is soft and quiet, but her words ignite a bomb inside of me that threatens to blow me off my feet. My eyelids suddenly feel as heavy as anvils. Did I just hear her right?
I know I did.
Still, words escape me. My canines slowly grind back and forth as I try to process the sledgehammer that she’s just smacked me over the head with.
Pregnant...
“Is... is it mine?” I stumble over myself, already knowing the answer, but needing to make sure. Finn’s told me the guy who’s apartment we’re in isn’t someone I need to worry about—I almost hope he’s wrong.
Nia nods ever so slightly.
... I’m going to be a father?
The thought cuts
through my heart.
“We’re pregnant...” the words just fall out of me.
“I’ve been pregnant for the past three months,” Nia snaps. “And I’ve been alone. I still don’t know where you were. But yes. To answer your question: yes. This is our baby.”
My eyes fall to her stomach. Nia’s wearing a grey sweatshirt and matching sweatpants. I can’t see a baby bump yet. Is that normal? I have no idea.
“I... I didn’t know.” It’s all I can manage to say.
“Obviously,” Nia shakes her head. “You didn’t exactly stick around to find out.”
A sudden pang of fear infiltrates my body. Holy shit, I was just about to rush into a war that I had no guarantee of coming back from. In fact, I’d say the odds were stacked against me. If Nia hadn’t just told me, I might have died without ever knowing that I was going to be a father...
I could have a family. My own family.
I swallow and try to process it all. “Nia, I’m so sorry.”
She shows me her palm. “Don’t be sorry. Be here.”
I try to look her in the eyes, but my gaze keeps wandering back to her belly.
“I still haven’t forgiven you yet,” she says. “But if you want to be a father, I’m giving you the option. If you head out of that door right now, though, you make your choice. You might not die in whatever battle you’re diving into, but you’ll be dead to me, and to...” Nia looks down to her belly and a swell of emotion cracks in her voice.
I don’t know what to do. For maybe the first time in my life, I truly have no idea.
“Where will we go?” I ask her. “What will we do?”
Nia places a hand on her stomach. Her sweatshirt tightens around her body and I can make out the curves that I’ve missed oh-so dearly. “We’ll do whatever it takes,” she says.
I suddenly feel like an imposter in a tough man’s body. Nia’s the stronger one here. This isn’t a problem I can solve with violence.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I want to ignore it, but I know I can’t. I carefully step forward, and when Nia doesn’t flinch away, I put my hands on her shoulders and I try to soothe her. “There’s no running from this,” I tell her. My heart is heavy but I know it’s the truth. “A life on the run is no life at all. Especially not for a... well, for a family.”
Nia’s shoulders slink at my words. She’s realizing that there’s no talking me out of this, but she still doesn’t seem to understand how necessary it all is. It’s not her fault, and I’m glad for it. She doesn’t know how the underworld works because she’s never been exposed to, and if I can end this all tonight, then maybe she’ll never have to be.
