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It doesn't matter how much dirt I wipe from my eyes. I lost my mind a long time ago. I believe that Heimdall might be right about controlling my mind, but I also worry I'll never see clearly again.
Do I love her? Well, about twenty-four hours ago, I was instructed to kill her. I don't even know her.
However, in this world of growing darkness, there are no constants.
She is the only one I can rely on, and I'm sure as hell not complaining.
Raven
I am not calm. No. Far from it.
Three lungfuls of breath puts me into a full-blown state of panic. Six more make me erratic. Add another nine to the equation, and I'm crying my eyes out on a stiff mattress.
Sound over the top? It is. If what they're saying is real, a lot is going to change.
I just need to hang on.
None of this makes any sense. The bibles, old mythology, and folklore are just stories.
Yet, nobody looks like they are making this up.
The wallpaper that adorns their apartment tells a story. Pictures of regal horses, men wielding giant swords, and angels stare back at me. Little demons are climbing out of the earth. Some even have wings.
I feel like I'm stuck in a mad house, like something happened to my brain back at my old firm.
God - every time I think about my job, my stomach sinks to the floor. My whole life is gone. Stolen from me. My neighbor will feed the cats, of course, but that's not the issue.
So what is the issue?
The issue, I think, is that I have no control anymore. I have no say in where we go and what we do. I thought leaving my old life would be good, but the more time that passes, the more scared I start to feel.
Then again, it's not like I ever felt in control of anything. Is it possible I have nothing to complain about?
At the end of the day, has both Ash and Lucifer done me a colossal favor?
Ash is sweet. I'll give him that. In his own way, he's powerful. It's in his silence. In his eyes. The way he looks at the world is just different. The only thing that holds him back is his fear over his power.
The visions. I wish I knew what he saw whenever it hit him. Maybe I could help him put together the pieces.
As I undress, I remember the USB and access card I stole from my firm. I reach into my pocket and take it out. They seem to weigh down my palm, even though both are made out of cheap plastic.
I haven't had a second to go over the data, but I know there's enough crap on there to fuck up their pretty little merger. With the click of a few buttons, I could bring the entire company down. But that's not why I took them. No - I have other reasons.
Noble reasons.
My eyes feel heavier than the plastic.
They took down our economy. Ruined millions of families' lives. And all for what? Money? Every billion earned helped the firm succeed in their mission in economic domination.
The worst part was I was complicit. In so many ways, I was to blame. But my chance at earning some redemption is coming. I have to make things right.
A knock on my door snaps me out of my trance. "Who is it?" I ask.
"Um, Raven?"
It's Ash.
I don't feel up to talking with anyone, but I don't tell him to go away. Most people, if they knew what I helped create, would do their best to ruin me. They'd throw insults. Many already have.
