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“Argh!” Sandra clutched her chest. “Drive a blade through your heart.”
“No kidding.” Erik’s voice was choked. “I never felt like such a jerk in my life. I’d like to say it changed me. It should have...I don’t know, made me see the world in a different light or something. You know, how it works on TV.”
“Hey.” His honesty touched her. She knew what it was like to want to change and not be able to. “We’re all a lot more complicated than that, Erik.”
“True.”
“And I bet you never stole again.”
“No.”
“So that was something.”
He nodded and drained his drink as if the emotional effort had cost him, probably not realizing it had cost her, too. “You want some more?”
“No. Thanks.”
“Okay.” He put his empty glass under the swing, then straightened and patted her on the knee. “Now it’s your turn.”
She changed positions, wondering how to start, how to tell. Decided to blurt it out and get it over with. “I’m not as good a storyteller as you are. My secret is that my parents didn’t want children. And they never really bothered to hide that I was a mistake and a massive inconvenience to them.” She laughed uneasily. “Sordid, but there you are.”
Erik narrowed his eyes. “That doesn’t count.”
“What?” She blinked at him. “Why not?”
“Because you just said it, as if you were telling me what you had for lunch.”
Sandra bristled. “What, I’m supposed to bleed all over?”
“Yes. That’s what makes it a secret.”
“I made the rules of this game.” She was suddenly furious and went to pull her legs off his lap. He held them there with strength she couldn’t fight.
“My little unloved girl.”
“Not yours.”
“Not yet.”
“Not ever.”
“Is this why you aren’t married? Because your parents didn’t want you so you assume no one does?”
Her mouth dropped; her throat thickened. She tried to get up off the swing, but he wouldn’t let her move. “You don’t know anything about me.”
“Because you won’t let anyone know you. Because you’re afraid if someone saw you as you really are, they’d run, not love you, is that right?”
Her breath was too shallow, tears rising too quickly to stop. Damn it. This game they were playing was supposed to go the other way. She wasn’t supposed to have to reveal anything.
“Leave me alone. You don’t know me.”
“Actually, I think you and I are remarkably alike, Sandra.”
“You are remarkably full of sh—”
His kiss was hard, passionate, cutting off her words, setting the swing in motion as he lunged over her. Her sexual response was fierce and quick, but as quickly as it started, the kiss was over, and Erik was back seated on the swing.
She stared at him, still panting, but with the fight-or-flight slowly draining out of her.
If he’d seemed triumphant or the least bit smug, she would have punched him in the nose. But his eyes were serious, his forehead lined with concern. “You okay now?”
“Yes.” She swung her legs down and tucked her hands under her thighs. He’d kissed her the way you’d slap a hysterical person. She didn’t know whether to feel protected or violated.
Erik stopped the motion of the swing. “So.”
“So?” She barely glanced at him. Every emotion she’d experienced still swirled through her. Anger, shame, grief, fear and a tiny bit of something vulnerable and sweet, as if Erik had reached a place she was only dimly aware she had.
“Are we done?”
“Yes.” She knew what he wanted. She’d promised him access to her breasts if he told her a secret. The idea of him cashing in on their deal sickened her as much as it excited her.
“Want to take a walk?”
Sandra looked at him in surprise. “A walk?”
“Yeah. Along the lake. It’s nice this time of night. No black flies. Too breezy for mosquitoes. Want to go?”
Why? He’d earned the right to touch her. A deal was a deal, and she had not ever weaseled out of a promise in her life.
“What about... You told me your secret.”
“Jeez, what kind of guys have you been hanging out with?” He didn’t try to hide his distaste, got up off the swing and held out his hand. “Give me more credit than that. You think I’m going to put you through an emotional wringer and then say, ‘Okay, done, can I play with your tits now?’”
She giggled and gave him her hand, feeling lighter, younger, definitely relieved. “I guess when you put it like that...”
