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“Absolutely not. Celebrate without me. Send pics or whatever, and I’ll enjoy it vicariously.”
“There’s no vicariously about it. You’re coming. If I have to play the-thing-that-can’t-be-mentioned card, I will,” I said. When she didn’t respond, I whined, “I need you there, Liss. Oh, and one more thing... it’s for you! Do I need to remind you of that? Plus, I never took you for a coward, Alissa Bedford.”
“Argh! You know what? This is bullshit!”
“Oh, you’re so welcome for your party, by the way!” I shot back, pairing up what I belatedly noticed were odd socks. I added them to the pile anyway.
“Fucking fine then. But uninvite Leon,” she demanded.
“Why... you worried you won’t be able to resist him?”
“You’re an asshole.”
“I know.” I laughed, tossing a second pair of mismatched socks on top of the pile. Still, I did nothing to rectify the sock situation. Odd socks, it seemed, were a problem unworthy of my consideration. “In all seriousness... do you like him? Like, are you attracted to him? I mean, I know you guys rile each other up the wrong way, like, ninety-nine percent of the time, but beyond that... is there something there?”
I expected an instant denial. What I got was an extended pause. Eventually she said, “Honestly, I’ve never looked at him that way before. He followed you around with moon eyes for so long, I don’t think it would have even entered my mind to consider it. But now that you’ve asked, I... I guess I don’t know. Does that... I mean, is that weird for you?”
“No!” I said, my tone emphatic. “God, no! You of all people know that Leon and I weren’t really a thing. God, no. And he didn’t have moon eyes, Liss. I think it was more that he wanted what I couldn’t give him, you know? And that made him want it more. If you like him, I have no problem with it.” She went quiet again, my brows pulled together. “Liss?”
“Huh? Oh, right, yeah. It’s not like anything will happen though, right? We’d kill each other after five minutes, anyway.”
I huffed a laugh. “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe that just means there’s something there worth exploring. I would say give it a shot, except what the hell do I know? I’m the last person who should give out advice.”
Liss jumped on my words, never one to let an opportunity go by. “Since you brought it up...”
I exhaled heavily, planting my butt on the bed and mentally bracing myself for the inevitable questions.
“Have you spoken to him about your predicament?”
Of course not! “That would be no.”
“I talked to him last night,” she said. My heart clenched, fingertips curling into the comforter. “Don’t worry, I didn’t say anything about… you know. I was just trying to get a bit of a read on his emotional state, you know, ask how he was doing, that sort of stuff. The guy’s a hard nut to crack, huh?”
My head dropped in agreement. “Tell me about it.” I stopped, thumbnail lodged between my teeth. “How did he seem?”
Hope was a cruel emotion. It bloomed like a pretty flower, eliciting feelings and emotions that should stay locked away, and then just like that, it wilted and died, the brown, shrivelled petals falling to the floor. Liss' prolonged silence was an example.
“Erm… he didn’t say much,” she hedged, but I’d known her far too long. She was holding back so much more than she was saying.
Lids stinging, I nodded. I’m sure Liss was interested in Reno’s state of mind. They went back a long way and were friends, but I was under no illusion as to the main purpose of her interrogation. She wanted to know where his head was at with our relationship, and determine how he might react to the recent development he was still clueless about. And if her stilted response was any indication, he hadn’t filled her with confidence. My heart sank. I already knew this... I knew he wasn’t going around shouting about us from the rooftops. So why did it hurt so much?
“I see,” I said. Knowing Liss, she’d asked him straight up if he and I were together. If he wouldn’t admit that we were more than a booty call to my best friend, how could I ever approach him about… anything else?
“I think you need to talk to him. I mean, no, the prospect of having a baby at eighteen probably won’t thrill him, but that’s normal, right? We know this. We’re not expecting him to pull out the old cigars and chug a gallon of beer in celebration. But he still needs to know, babe. You shouldn’t have to deal with this all on your own.”
Her words invaded my head like a poison, seeping through every crevice and tarnishing everything it touched. I wasn’t ready. I just wasn’t. My breaths stalled.
“I can’t, Liss, I can't.”
“Okay, okay,” she said, quickly backing off. “But this isn't something that will go away on its own. You know that. And eventually, he will find out.”
I nodded silently. “After the party,” I said, voice small.
“Okay. After the party.” Silence, and then she sighed. “He might surprise you.”
Yeah. And he might just annihilate me.
Thirty-Eight
