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My throat swelled, and my heart pinched. Tears pricked the back of my lids.
“Okay,” I choked.
With a small smile, he inclined his head and turned to leave. I forcibly held myself still. He’d only walked a few paces when he halted suddenly, swinging back and stalking toward me with powerful strides, his face
determined. Fervent eyes met mine. I could see love in them, shining like a beacon. Old wounds split open.
“Riley?” he said with an urgency to his voice. “I hope like fucking hell you have the time of your life down there. I hope it’s everything you want it to be... because you deserve it all. Every. Fucking. Thing. And I’m so fucking sorry I couldn’t be the one to give it to you.” His breathless words were fierce, blowing me away and breathing life into a heart that needed to remain dormant.
“Ren...” His name broke from my lips on a hopeless cry. I stepped into him without thinking and his arms opened to receive me. Dropping my forehead onto his chest, my eyes closed tightly. I wrapped myself around him and inhaled, thankful I’d tucked the sweater into my case at the last minute despite the million reasons not to. “Thank you,” I whispered.
His chin dipped to rest on top of my head, and he released a long sigh.
“For what it’s worth, Riley, I never would have said it.” His lips pressed into my hair, hands squeezing my arms for a beat before he backed up, detaching our bodies. His brown eyes glistened when he looked down at me, reaching to tuck an errant hair behind my ear. A sad but beautiful smile tugged up one corner of his lips. “I love you... won’t ever be able to say otherwise.”
Nodding through my tears, I watched him walk away, knowing that the look on his face and the truth in his words would stay with me always.
Forty-Two
Riley
Ten Months Later
“You’re back!” Liss squealed, rounding my car and throwing the door open before I’d shifted into park.
Securing the car—instead of leaving it in gear and chasing it as it rolled down the street, which had not happened to me last year—I hopped out and tossed my arms around her, laughing. It had been less than three months since I’d visited her for spring break, but it still felt way too long. And it seemed different now that both of us had returned home for the summer.
I’d come home over the holidays, staying three days total over Christmas, before heading back with my mom. I hadn’t left the trailer once in those three days. That was the only time I’d returned home in ten months. My mom had come back to Atlanta with me for New Years.
At school, I could almost convince myself I was just another new student. Fresh-faced, baggage-free, and looking forward to the promise of the future spread out before me. I’d played the part; I hadn’t held back. I’d partied hard, studied hard, thrown myself into the whole college experience with a passion borne of trying to outrun my past. Somehow, it still felt hollow.
The first couple of months, thoughts of Reno, of what I’d lost, plagued me every day. In a sea of pulsing bodies moving to the beat, a lecture hall filled with students taking notes, suddenly he'd be there. Creeping up on me without warning and stealing the breath from my lungs. Over time, it became less. I could go a few days without slipping, but the second my thoughts turned to him, it was as if he’d never left them. He occupied so much space in my head that flipping the switch was like cutting clean through a water pipe. He emerged in a burst, not a trickle. It was hard to contain him. I imagined taking him, our past, and the memories that had the power to incapacitate me and seriously derail my new life, and stuffing them into a closet then padlocking the doors.
Being back here was like throwing those doors open without reservation. Emotions I’d foolishly believed I had a handle on assailed me from all sides.
My arms tightened around Liss and she squeezed me right back, as if she knew.
“Come on, get your shit,” she said, leaning back to look at me, her perceptive gaze resting on my face.
I nodded, following her to the trunk, but my gaze strayed over my shoulder, searching without instruction. I couldn’t see him. But he was everywhere here. Pulling my focus back, I popped the trunk and lugged my bags to the trailer. My mom stood, all glassy-eyed, watching me approach from her position propped against the door. As I neared, I tossed the bags down and she lifted her arms, wrapping them tight around my middle.
“My baby,” she crooned, contentment ringing in her voice.
“Hi, Mom,” I breathed back, allowing her presence to soothe me.
It lasted a few seconds, this quiet reuniting, and then we separated, apart from the small hand that wrapped around mine and didn’t seem in any hurry to let go.
“Your mom met a guy!” Liss announced as she booted the half-open door and dumped my bags on the floor.
I looked at my mom, my brows lowered. “And I somehow haven’t heard about his hands, penis size, or preferred sexual position already?” Pink spots appeared on her cheeks and she averted her gaze with a coy smile. Coy? My mother... coy?
“Mom?” I said, the word dripping with disbelief.
She shrugged, tapping her fingers on the countertop.
“She likes him, Ri. Not just his body... him,” Liss said, before adding, “I overheard her on the phone. It was so damn cute.”
I gasped, my wide eyes resting on my mom’s flushed face. “Is this true?”
