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I reached out and plucked the joint from his fingers, putting it between my lips and inhaling. I pushed my head back and closed my eyes, holding it in.
“Your guard dog’s inside,” Jackson said, watching me.
My heart cracked, lungs expelling a cloud of dark fumes. Just thinking about Leon—about what I was going to do—was enough to break me. But I was doing this for him.
Even if he’d never thank me for it.
Even if I’d never forgive myself for it.
“Leon’s not my anything.”
He took the blunt from my hand, tilting his head. “That right?”
I shrugged, glancing over my shoulder. “I don’t want to talk about Leon.”
Interest burned in his eyes. “No?”
I shook my head slowly. “Don’t want to talk at all, actually.”
Guys could be so fucking clueless about so many goddamn things, but they never missed a beat when a girl was offering sex.
He swallowed. “You trying to get my ass kicked again, Liss?”
“No.” I met his eyes. “I’m trying to fuck you.”
Sex wins. Every time.
Less than ten seconds later, I entered the house through the front door, knowing everyone would be out back. The staircase leading to the bedrooms was directly opposite, so I walked up ahead of Jackson, fully aware of his eyes on my exposed skin as we paced down the hallway and through one of the bedroom doorways.
Tears formed behind my lids as I stripped his jacket and started kissing him. I closed them tight, trying not to feel fucking anything. But when he grabbed the neckline of my dress and tugged it down my body in one fell swoop, leaving me standing in nothing but black lace, I couldn’t bite back the sob that threatened to rise.
I hated doing this with him. I hated his hands on me. I hated it with every fucking part of me.
My soul wailed, my heart bled; a poisonous substance that leaked into the surrounding cavity and polluted my insides.
My phone buzzed in my discarded pocket as Jackson squeezed my breasts over my bra and sucked on my neck. I bent, reaching for it, my heart beating so hard it hurt.
My fingers tensed around the phone when the notification came through, and I held it aloft behind Jackson’s head, scanning the message.
Leon: You on your way? Fucking miss you, Snow Queen.
Jackson’s head moved lower, his lips on the swell of my breast. I drew in a breath. One long breath of air, then I hit reply and typed, upstairs.
The status of the message changed to seen, and I let the phone fall to the floor.
And then, I just wasn’t here anymore. I was a spectator, hovering above the scene, watching myself push Jackson to the mattress before climbing on top of him, his erection straining his jeans.
I counted every second, until I heard Leon’s footsteps, and then I counted those.
One… Two… Three… Each one a solid blow against my heart. Each heavy step pounding in sync with the thudding pain in my temple.
Four… Five…
Bile rose, and I slammed back into myself with a gasp, stilling with my hands flat against Jackson’s chest as I tried to fucking breath. But there was no fucking air in here. None.
I can’t do this.
The thought entered, and I jerked back quickly, trying to undo it all before it happened. But I was too late. The door
