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And an even bigger rock on my left hand.
I’m not one to lack appreciation for the lavish life I was living, but I felt my confidence dwindling day by day in my fiancé Gavin’s presence. Gavin’s constant berating and trivialization of my interests had all but destroyed the passion I had left for my art.
He would never admit to it, but he essentially saw me as his trophy wife. In his eyes, my job was to sit quietly and look pretty. He didn’t mind me having a side hobby or two, but he didn’t like the idea of me pursing my dream of becoming a widely influential artist. He knew how much it would take, and that simply didn’t align well with his plan for life.
He did everything he could to diminish the flames that sparked inside of me. Now, as I look at myself in the mirror, I can barely recognize the girl I once knew. It was the thought of losing that last bit of fire that scared the fuck out of me.
“This place is a dump, Bella.” Gavin had curled his lip at my friend’
s place for the second time that evening. The first time was when we drove up and parked outside, and now I’d hoped he’d keep his voice low enough that the other artists present wouldn’t hear. There were writers, painters, and other photographers within earshot.
A friend of mine from my photography class owned the coffee shop, so I hoped he wouldn’t throw his countless insults this direction, but that was a proving to be a major fail at this point. The truth was the coffee shop was one of the best and busiest shops in the city, and the patrons had all built such a camaraderie that they were like a small family. It would take a complete asshole not to appreciate the charm it had to offer. Today Gavin was that asshole.
Kayla finally showed, and I breathed a sigh of relief as she crossed the room. My best friend would be just the lift I needed.
“This is awesome! I’m sure you’ve already sold a ton of copies of the journal, right?” she asked enthusiastically.
“She’s signed five and two of those were for the same woman. She has only sold one print.” Gavin smirked.
Why am I with this dickhead anyway? I asked myself.
“She bought the books for her daughters,” I said, in attempt to sway the direction of the conversation back to something positive.
I smiled remembering the older woman who had seemed way out of her element. She had come across town to buy copies of my photography collection for her daughters, who were avid readers. Both had enjoyed my collections in the past and owned a few prints, so she’d wanted to surprise them.
My book was a passion project. I wanted to do something different and had one of my earlier collections made into a journal that told stories from my childhood with my mother. I had thought about it since her death and finally made the dream into a reality. It meant a lot to me that others would now get to see it.
“I still think giving away too many of your images in one sale is a bad idea. Even if it is one collection.” Gavin had failed to see many of my ideas as practical, and he measured success solely on money.
“I think the journals were a really cool way to showcase those older pieces. It’s a gorgeous book, and it’s not like it’s your entire collection,” Kayla said, rolling her eyes at Gavin. She was always the positive influence in my life. I thanked my lucky stars for her, because her positivity was all I had left to hold on to after my mom’s passing. Kayla, much like my mom, had the ability to see things in me that I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, see in myself.
“Frankly, it wouldn’t matter what you were trying to showcase here. It’d be lost on the tacky setting. I’d ask the owners to turn the lights up, but no telling what kind of crap the bad lighting is hiding in this place,” Gavin said.
About that time, I turned to see the owner and my friend turning to duck out in the other direction. From the looks on their faces and their body language, they’d heard every cheap shot Gavin had taken.
“How long is this thing going to last,” he sneered as I stood there with my cheeks flaming red and tears in my eyes.
Those tears were a mixture of embarrassment and the hurtful comments he’d made, and I’d finally had all I could take.
“You can leave now!” I gritted my teeth so hard that it hurt, but I knew if I didn’t keep a tight jaw I’d make a scene.
“Excuse me?” He lifted a brow and looked down his nose at me.
“You’ve done nothing but criticize and insult, and I’m sick to death of it. If you don’t like it here, then leave, but these people are my friends, and you’re being completely rude and disrespectful!” I said through clenched teeth.
Gavin went to grab my arm, but I pulled away before his fingers could get a tight grip, and I stormed away to the bathroom.
As I took my first few steps away from him, I heard Kayla tell him to let me go, and then she was on my heels. I pushed the bathroom door open so hard that I almost took out the tall blonde on the other side. I apologized and stepped around her to go to the sink and splash cold water on my face. I was two seconds from storming back out and telling him off for good.
“I’m so sick of his shit, Kayla. I swear I’m done!” I leaned against the counter by the sink, and she stood with me as a couple of girls finished drying their hands and walked out.
“Do me a favor and mean it this time, Bella. You’ve said it before, and you always give him another chance.”
She was right, and I hated that I couldn’t even argue with her about it. I had let him back into my life one too many times. I guess I was afraid of being alone.
My mother had been my whole world up until her death from a lost battle with cancer five years earlier, and though I had gotten used to life without her, I’d never been all on my own. Even through college, I’d had Kayla by my side. She was all I had in the world. Then I met Gavin and things took a turn for the worse. At first he was so charming and sweet, but I later found out that was all a façade to leer me to him. He did the worst thing a guy could do to a girl: he took full advantage of my vulnerability.
“This time I mean it,” I said firmly. “He had come along at a point in my life where I was weak and vulnerable, and I let him in. But I haven’t been happy with Gavin for a long time, and I need to move the fuck on. Otherwise, I’m afraid I’ll lose myself in him. I took care of Mom while she had cancer; I buried my head in my books after she died; and then I became Gavin’s showpiece. I need to focus on me for a while. I’m calling off the wedding. Is that completely selfish?” I asked Kayla, knowing she would tell me the truth no matter what.
