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But the sharp bang of the bus door opening didn’t help and caused Stone and Landon to roll out of their beds.
“I’ve fucking had it with you,” Hank said.
“Could you be any louder?” I asked.
“The fuck’s going on?” Stone asked.
“Shit. That’s Hank,” Landon said.
“Yes. It’s Hank, you assholes,” I said.
“I’m done with the antics. Where is she? Hank asked.
“Sorry, y’all,” the woman said, as she slipped past us. “Just gotta find my pants.”
“Her pants—she’s gotta find her fucking pants,” Hank said.
She covered up with her pathetic excuse for a pair of pants. They fit her snugly, tucked up underneath each ass cheek. Those jeans left absolutely nothing to the imagination, and Stone grinned as I brought the stale, warm beer back to my lips.
But Hank snatched the bottle from me as the girl scampered off the bus.
“Enough is enough,” Hank said. “I’ve helped you climb to the top of your fame, and this shit’s gonna ruin it all.”
“Relax Hank. The boys wanted to through a little party after the show,” I said.
“A little party. Do you even fucking remember last night?” Hank asked.
“Not necessarily,” I said. That’s how I preferred it. To forget everything.
Stone and Landon snickered as I tried to keep my grin at bay.
“I’m fed up with this shit. You fuck the wrong woman and she goes to the media with all this shit, and you’re done. Bang, just like that, your fame is over. Your dedicated fan base will see you as nothing but an alcoholic womanizer.”
“Watch it. I’m not a fucking alcoholic,” I said.
“You drink like a fish on stage, Drake! Of course, you’re an alcoholic. I know you’ve been through a lot in your life but you can’t just go about acting like your actions won’t have any consequences. You haven’t gone one performance without beer in your stomach.”
“That’s part of my persona, Hank! They expect me to come on stage shit faced. It’s part of my shtick.”
“Is part of your shtick bringing groupies onto the bus, having them dance around naked, then drinking yourself stupid
until you can’t remember whether or not you fucked one of them or all of them?” he asked.
“I didn’t fuck that girl.” I honestly wasn't sure, but I'd hoped I was right.
Stone and Landon fell apart in laughter as I stumbled over to the couch.
“This has gone on long enough. If you don’t turn this shit around, I’m gonna hire someone to help you do it,” Hank said.
“Thanks, Mom. I’ll take the information to heart,” I said.
“It’s not information for you to take to heart, asshole. It’s what’s going to happen if you don’t fucking shape up, Drake. In fact, I’m tempted to go ahead and take care of this shit right now.”
“And just what the hell are you gonna do? Hire someone to babysit me and count my beers?”
“No. But I am gonna hire you a public relations representative. Or a private assistant. Someone to help your fucking ass with this drinking of yours. Your drinking and your antics are gonna get you into trouble, and you’re gonna need someone like them to help when shit hits the fan.”
“Your knickers are really in a knot this morning, aren’t they?” I asked.
