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She gestured toward a couple of chairs beside us. I followed her over and sat down, my hands shaking as I laid them on my knees.
“I’m Sheila,” she said with an uncertain smile. “I don’t know if you know who I am, but—”
“You’re my mother,” I said boldly.
Sheila blinked and swallowed. Pain crossed over her face, but she pushed it away and smiled instead. She nodded and just stared at me until I was ready to speak again.
“Josh told me a lot about you,” I said lamely.
“He’s told me a lot about you, too,” Sheila said. “It’s meant a lot to him that you two could finally meet.”
“Yeah,” I said. Talking about Josh made me think of Julie. I looked down at my phone, which was still clutched in my trembling hands. I tucked it away in my pocket. There was no way I could make a phone call now.
“Listen,” Sheila said. “I want you to know that I understand why you didn’t want to meet me.”
I nodded but didn’t say anything. I spent the past two years getting to know my brother. We talked. Slowly, we became brothers. Despite what happened with Julie, Josh was still my brother and I loved him, no matter what. Sheila was something different.
I had no memories of her. The first time Josh asked if I wanted to meet her, I said no without thinking. Josh never brought it up again. He just let it go, assuming that I would ask if I ever wanted the chance to see her. Deep down, I was always curious. I wondered about the woman who gave me away. I wondered who she was, what she was like, and if she ever regretted her decision.
Now that we were sitting there beside each other, I didn’t know what to say.
“I have a million questions,” I finally said. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“You can ask me anything,” Sheila said. “Anything you want.”
“Why did you give me away?” I asked.
The question flew from my lips before I could stop myself. Sheila inhaled sharply, and her eyes darkened with emotion. She looked more like Josh than ever.
“It’s a long story,” Sheila said.
“We have time.” I looked around the waiting room, silently showing her that we weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
“I already had Joshua,” Sheila said. “And when you came along, I was in the hole. Drugs. Alcohol. Everything.”
“Josh told me you’re sober now,” I said.
“I am.” Sheila smiled. “I have been for over twenty years.”
“That’s great,” I said.
“But back then,” Sheila continued. “I couldn’t take care of another child. I was already terrified t
hat the state would take Joshua away. The idea of losing you both, it was too much to bear. I knew I had to do what was best for you.”
“And you did,” I said. “My parents are amazing.”
“I know.” Sheila smiled again. “I’ve kept up with all three of you over the years. Your mother was kind enough to send me your school pictures.”
“She did?” I asked.
Sheila nodded. “Your mom’s a very kind person.”
I nodded and looked down at my hands. This whole night felt like a dream. Josh was in surgery. I didn’t know if he would make it or not. My biological mother was sitting in the waiting room, talking about how amazing my adopted mom was.
“This is crazy,” I said under my breath.
“I’m sorry,” Sheila said. “This isn’t how I wanted to meet you for the first time.”
