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A silence fell between us and Chloe studied me for a moment. “You cared about him, didn’t you?”
“Absolutely not,” I said simply.
She frowned and sighed. “You know, at some point you’re going to have to stop lying to yourself.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Chloe just shook her head slowly and stood up, starting to grab things that I probably never would have thought to bring for myself. She handed me some books and a necklace I liked. “At least try to enjoy yourself a little while you’re out there, okay?”
I looked down, feeling guilt well up inside of me. How was I supposed to enjoy myself when I knew my friends and family were putting themselves in danger to save me? I couldn’t. I swallowed and shook my head. “Don’t worry about it, okay?”
Chloe sighed and wrapped her arms around me. I pulled her onto the bed with me and tried to hold back the tears. I was being so stupid and so stubborn but I couldn’t help it. It was the only way I knew how to protect myself.
I eventually fell asleep curled up with my friend, my face buried in her shoulder. I felt safe here. I felt like I could let my guard down and so as I dozed off a single, solitary tear fell down my cheek. I was going to have to face the thing I had bee
n avoiding for so long and that scared me.
I was going to have to face why Ryan and I never worked out.
Chapter Six
Early the next morning Ryan and I trudged out of our houses, bags slung over our backs. The sun wasn’t even up yet and we were already being loaded into a work trailer. It was the kind of trailer a contractor might have to carry his tools around; it wasn’t fancy, but that was the point. They didn’t want anyone to figure out the cargo it held.
The trailer was backed into a barn and Damien turned to me, wrapping his arms around me for a moment and hugging me close.
“Stay safe, okay?”
“I’ll stay as safe as I can,” I murmured, running a hand through my hair.
He nodded and released me so I could get in the trailer. A small group of women had gathered and were sobbing and offering Ryan gifts for the trip. Some of the trashier ones even offered him copies of Playboy. I rolled my eyes but was silently thankful for the food they handed him.
Jealousy started to rear its ugly head, but I ignored it and settled on the floor, crossing my legs and leaning against the side of the trailer. I didn’t like getting up this early and I was thankful that it was going to be a long ride. I didn’t really have any intention of talking to Ryan, so I planned on sleeping.
I pulled my blanket out and put It over me, sighing softly, ignoring the stare Ryan was giving me.
“You’re just going to sleep?” he asked incredulously.
“Sure. What else would I do?” I murmured, closing my eyes.
He just shook his head and pulled a book out of his bag. I opened one eye to see what he was reading and my heart stuttered just a little. He was reading a book by one of my favorite authors, Joe Hill. Hmmm, at least he had good taste in books. Not that it mattered.
I dozed off shortly after we left. I didn’t dream. I never dreamed. Sleep was just a warm comforting silence, an escape from my day. When I was awake my brain was always going. It was always running laps around itself, and it seemed that there was always something on my mind. I was the type of person who fell asleep thinking and woke up thinking. It was a curse.
I slept the entire four and a half hours it took us to get to Gatlinburg. I woke up briefly once when we stopped for gas, but I fell back asleep right away. When I woke up for good, Ryan was standing over me, shaking me gently.
“Hey. Wake up,” he said.
I blinked at him, opening my eyes and staring into his face blearily. He was so beautiful and I actually found myself smiling a little. He cocked a brow at me.
“You alright? You have a creepy smile on your face.”
I sat up straight, quickly wiping the smile off my face. “No I don’t,” I answered quickly.
I grabbed my bag and started to stand up, but I moved too quickly and stumbled. I would have fallen flat on my face if Ryan hadn’t caught me. His arms were strong and it took every ounce of will in my body not to lean into his touch. I forced myself away from him and he frowned.
“Are you alright? You’re acting strange.”
“How would you know how I normally act?” I grunted, throwing my bag over my shoulder.
