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“But it's not that easy, Eli,” I said. “I have goals. Dreams. I want things out of this life – things I don't think you want.”
“Like what?”
“Like a family. Kids. I want kids, Eli,” I said. “Did you ever wonder why I took to your daughter so easily? Because I love babies, and I want nothing more than to have my own baby one day. With the man I love – but you –”
Eli leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. He silenced me for a brief moment as I reveled in the feeling of his lips on mine. God, he had a way of making me shut up with a simple touch or a kiss. But, now was not the time for that. I needed to keep going. Needed to say what I came to say and get it off my chest. I quickly – though reluctantly – pulled away.
“Hannah, I think you're getting ahead of yourself here –”
“No, I just know what I want, Eli,” I said. “And I realize that a big reason for my moodiness lately is because I'm jealous that another woman got to have your baby. It's stupid, petty, and childish, I admit. But, it was something I've wanted since we were stupid teenagers in love, and –”
“Hannah, stop,” he said, still smiling.
I was not smiling. Not in the least bit. He obviously, just wasn't getting it.
“Eli, I took a pregnancy test this morning,” I blurted out, hoping to get his attention.
It did. He stopped, his smile all but gone and replaced with a slack-jawed look of disbelief at the implication of my words. I couldn't keep him waiting, hanging and twisting in the wind like that. Not when I knew the truth.
“I'm not pregnant, at least as far as the test showed today,” I sighed, closing my eyes as I fought back the tears. “And you know what? I was devastated. For a brief period of time, I thought I might be having your baby and I was excited. When I found out I wasn't pregnant though, I –”
My eyes were still closed when Eli kissed me against. His lips were warm and wet against mine, his tongue pushing its way into my mouth and stealing my breath away. He held me in his arms, pulling me tight against him, and kissed me instead of running away. I literally told him I wanted to have his baby, and he didn't run away screaming. Instead, he was kissing me and holding me. It wasn't the reaction I'd been expecting – to say the least. Though, the whole thing is leaving me so terribly confused.
“Eli, say something, please,” I said, leaning into his touch.
“I don't know what you want me to say, Hannah,” he said softly. “I mean, right now, I have my hands full with Aubree, I can't imagine having another –”
I pulled away from his touch, but he reached for me again and this time, wouldn't let me go. He pulled me to him, wrapping his arms tight around me. Holding me close.
“Let me finish, Hannah.”
He'd already ripped my heart to shreds with his careless, insensitive words. Not to mention th
e confirmation that we weren't anywhere close to being on the same page with each other in regard to how we wanted to live out the rest of our lives. What more could he do to me? I nodded, keeping my mouth shut as Eli started talking again.
“Right now, my hands are full, and I can barely support myself, much less Aubree,” he said. “But, I see how amazing you are – and you make me want to be better. You make me want to better my life and be a better man. I guess, what I'm saying is – I see what an amazing mother you'd be, and maybe, with some more help, I wouldn't be as bad as this dad thing after all.”
Eli leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine, his eyes boring into mine. I looked back at him and, he smiled. It was a smile that lit up his entire face, making his eyes sparkle. He held me in his arms and stared deep into my eyes, and I wasn't sure if I was dreaming, or what. I had to physically restrain myself from giving my arm a vicious pinch to check. I'd already looked petty and foolish enough for one day.
“And I'll be honest, the idea of putting my babies inside of you is pretty damn appealing,” he said, his hands moving down my body until they rested on my belly. “Because I love everything about you, Hannah. And I know I'd love any child we created together. Even if you had come to me with a positive pregnancy test this morning, we'd have made it work. Because I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said, the words flowing from me easier than ever before. It had been years since I admitted I loved him, but as soon as I had, I knew it was true. “God, I love you so much.”
I felt giddy. Nearly lightheaded with joy, and I was shaking from the rush of emotions coursing through my mind and body. Eli kissed me on the neck, and I sighed with contentment.
“You love me even though I'm a shitty bartender living in a studio apartment?” he asked.
“Yes,” I whimpered as he dragged his teeth along my skin. “I just want to have your babies. When we're ready, of course.”
“First, I gotta get a better job,” he laughed, his hands moving up to cup my breasts.
He gently kneaded and pinched my nipples as he continued whispering into my ear, sending shivers of pleasure up and down my spine.
“Maybe I can work on cars or something,” he said. “I'm sure we can figure something out.”
“MmmHmm,” I said, gasping as he flicked my nipple with his fingers gently.
Eli lifted my shirt off over my head as he backed me up toward his bed.
