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Without a drop of alcohol in her system, she felt drunk; without an ounce of any drug, she was high, full of so much life she was afraid she’d explode from the feelings and the joy of it.
The piece ended. An Artie Shaw big-band number came on, “Begin the Beguine,” one of her mom’s favorite songs. She’d forgotten it was on there. The moody clarinet rose and fell over a tropical beat, a different kind of sexy.
“Changeup.” Zac held her hips and tumbled her to the side, following, his big body covering hers.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and stared into his eyes, loving their blue shade, their warmth, their openness, loving the connection that went deeper than any she’d had before. This man cared about her; he wanted only for her to be her own flawed self, to love and accept her flaws the way he had.
Wasn’t that at the heart of what they taught at the Peace, Love and Joy Center?
Somehow she’d missed the mark, adopting a model of behavior and being that was too far outside of herself for her ever to internalize it. She’d been a perfectionist even in trying to throw off perfectionism.
Zac’s wonderful, handsome face came down to hers for another long kiss that ignited more fires in her body...but also more longing in her heart.
She was ready to examine those emotions, to confront them honestly, to see, without the filter of analysis or rationalization, exactly what she felt for this man.
A lot.
“Chris.” He said her name with such intensity, such depth of feeling, that she allowed herself to hope he was as far gone as she was.
From the other room, the big band finished an interlude and the clarinet resumed the elegant melody, crooning, crying, singing it out. Chris opened her legs, inviting Zac in, wanting them to join intimately with their bodies, as well as—someday, hopefully—with their hearts.
Zac lifted to roll on the condom.
During that brief pause, a few sensible and practical doubts crept into her thoughts. What was the point of falling hard for a man she’d soon be separated from? Maybe very soon? Wouldn’t the pain be that much greater if she got in too deep now? Wouldn’t it make sense to pull back now instead of forging ahead?
Chris thanked the thoughts politely for their intrusion and told them in no uncertain terms to get the hell out of her head, because she had a really hot and really wonderful man in bed with her, and many, many things to do with him.
She grinned up at him, gyrating to the jazzy tempo. “Let’s begin this beguine, baby.”
He laughed and moved back over her to flick his tongue firmly over her nipple, then closer to suckle her, tongue swirling around her areola, stoking the fires. Under her fingers his hair was thick and soft and his back provided a glorious stretch of skin and muscle for her other hand to explore.
“Mmm, I love what you do to me, Zac.”
“I’d like to keep doing it for a long, long time, Chris.” He smiled into her eyes for several heart-pounding seconds before he bent to worship her other breast.
Chris bit her bottom lip. A long, long time? What did that mean? Today, in terms of minutes? Or over and over in terms of days stretching on into the future?
Shh. Quiet. Listen to the music. Love the man.
The man stroked his hand down between her breasts and over her belly to tangle his fingers in the curls between her legs, moving them in gentle exploration before sweeping his hand back up.
Then he moved it back down again, spreading her labia wide this time, lingering over her clitoris, sending a hot burst of arousal through her that caused her to arch up to his hand.
“Mmm. You can do that for a long, long time, too, Zac.”
“I intend to.” His warm hand slid up again, passed over one breast then the other, and slid back down, playing there, circling, rubbing...then he thrust a finger inside her, making her gasp with pleasure.
“You like that?”
“Oh...yes.” She closed her eyes, letting him make love to her with one finger, then two, his thumb stopping now and then to tease her clitoris.
“Zac.” She whispered his name with the same tenderness he’d used, feeling a swell of emotion that had only partly to do with the pleasure his fingers were giving her.
He moved down and his mouth replaced his thumb. His tongue swirled over her clit, bringing her up and up and...he stopped. She came down, panting, incredibly hot, incredibly disappointed. Until he resumed his magic and sent her spiraling back up toward a climax...and again, eased her gently down, his tongue resting, fingers going still inside her. Back up, then down, up, down, until she was shaking with frustration.
