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Fact one: she could not commit to any kind of extended relationship with Zac right now, no matter how serious her feelings seemed, because early infatuation wasn’t to be trusted.
Fact two: she needed time to see if those feelings were the real thing or not.
Fact three: since Eva and Ames were moving back here to California and she was moving back to New York, she did not have time.
Fact four: see facts one and two, on and on into infinity.
And that was that. Well thought-out. Smart. And infallibly sensible.
But well thought-out, smart and sensible were making her feel horrible. Obviously what she really wanted was to continue a relationship with Zac. She had to keep reasoning with herself that while her feelings for Zac might be real, a long-distance relationship wasn’t a reliable test of compatibility. When you were apart, the longing for the other person was exaggerated, and when you were together, it was always a honeymoon period of reunion followed by the intense emotions stemming from having to part again so soon.
Sorry, inner voice, her common sense was right this time. No matter how strongly she felt about Zac, trying to keep a relationship going was not the best course. Right now the best course was to take back to New York all she’d learned about herself while she was here. She had new insights into her less desirable behaviors and, having met Zac, a higher bar of how she wanted to be treated in relationships in the future, and a better idea of how she wanted to treat her next partner. Once there, she’d be starting over in a way—she’d call it the New Chris, but by now that concept made her want to hurl.
Moving back to New York was going to be exciting. She’d be a better and stronger woman taking on the city, one block at a time. Or something like that.
Yeah, she could barely hold back from jumping up and down.
No, no, it would take time, but she’d have time. Nothing but time. And Zac was a really special guy. She was sure they’d be able to remain friends.
Whoopee.
Sick of arguing with herself, Chris took a deep breath to try to release the constant knot of pain in her chest and went over the list for the next day’s event one more time, making sure everything was under control and ready to go. The last customer of the evening was packing up to leave. Eva and Summer would be over soon to help decorate the shop. Then she was going to go over to see Zac and explain everything she’d finally gotten straight in her mind.
She’d live through this.
Back behind the counter, she was relieved to see the guy who’d been at the same table most of the day playing video games over cup after cup of espresso was gone—probably to spend the night wide-awake playing more video games—which meant she could turn the sign to Closed and start bringing out the decorations.
She’d just finished stacking boxes by the order-pickup area when Eva appeared at the front door, apparently already dressed for the holiday in pink pants and a white top with red hearts.
Chris let her in. “Wow, look at you. What will you have left to wear tomorrow?”
“I’ll surprise you. Hi, sweetie.” Eva gave her sister a long hug, then pulled back and searched Chris’s face. “How are you doing?”
Chris felt an unfair jolt of irritation at her twin’s concern, and was instantly ashamed. Eva and Ames were living their lives the way they should be. The fact that everything was coming up roses for them while Chris wallowed in weeds, well, that was just the way it was right now. She couldn’t blame her sister. “I’m okay.”
“Yeah?” Eva studied her through narrowed eyes. “You look awful.”
“I am awful, thank you.” She shrugged, knowing better than to lie, and handed Eva the box of bright red centerpieces—small red vases holding bouquets of reflective metallic red strands decorated with hearts. “But I’ll get over it. And him. Here. One of those goes on each table.”
“Get over Zac?” Eva clutched the box, staring at Chris over the top. “Why do you have to get over him? I thought everything was going great. Except for the whole moving-back-to-New-York part.”
“Yeah, and there goes our chance for a relationship.” She moved back to the stack of boxes to retrieve the one containing garlands of red and pink hearts.
