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“Seems like someone has a crush.”
“He's so out of my league,” I chuckled. “Besides, I wouldn't even know what to do with a man like him.”
“You fuck him,” she said. “That's what you do.”
“Yeah, like it's that easy,” I said, rolling my eyes and settling back down in my lounge chair.
“It would be super easy, trust me,” Lila said. “And I'm sure he wouldn't mind showing you the ropes either. Seems like an alpha male type to me.”
I didn't say anything. A man like him wouldn't be with someone like me—a scared virgin who had no idea how to please a man in bed. I had a feeling Gavin was the kind of guy who liked a woman with a little experience and who knew how to get him off.
That was, unfortunately, not me.
Chapter Three
Josie
“It's the last night, Josie,” Lila pleaded. “Don't you want to see Gavin one more time before we get back to San Diego? It might be your last chance.”
She'd been trying to convince me all week to go to Hedonistic Heaven, and every single night, I'd chickened out. I shook my head, feeling my heart lurch and my stomach tighten as I thought about those dark, dreamy eyes. I wanted to go, but couldn't bring myself to actually do it.
“You go,” I said. “Gavin would probably like you better anyway.”
“No way,” she said. “You're the birthday girl. And besides, he's your man.”
“My man?” I laughed. “Please. He probably has girls all over him already.”
“But wouldn't you want to see that ass just one last time?” she asked.
I couldn't deny it—I wouldn't mind another view of him. I was also curious about what went down in the club that was ‘only for the most open-minded of guests’. After a few days on the cruise, I'd seen just about everything under the sun. Nude sunbathing, swingers looking to hook up with Lila and myself. We'd declined those invitations of course, though Lila looked sorely tempted. We'd been invited to adult party games where I found myself sitting in the corner nursing a drink, because I couldn't bring myself to get undressed or kiss a random stranger. Lila had a lot of fun, though, and I got some much-needed rest, so it hadn't been a complete waste of time.
“Fine,” I muttered.
I figured that going to the club for a little bit couldn't be much worse than the speed dating event she'd dragged me to. I still couldn't stop cringing at how the guy I'd been paired up with—Harry or Jerry or something like that—ogled my tits all night, eventually asking if he could touch them to “see if they're real.” The mere thought of that creep made me shudder even still.
“Yay!” she exclaimed. “It's going to be awesome, girl. I'm telling you.”
Lila quickly started digging through my luggage, tossing things on the bed until she pulled out a dress, one I'd brought a long time ago because she'd talked me into it. It was a slinky black number with a lower neckline than I was used to or comfortable with, which explained why I'd never worn it. She threw it at me and commanded me to wear it, giving me little choice in the manner.
Lila also did my hair and makeup, chattering away excitedly the whole time. After she was done with me, I'd wiped most of the makeup off in the bathroom because it was too heavy, and I looked nothing like myself, but overall, her little makeover looked good.
My auburn hair fell in soft waves over my shoulders, giving me what I called “Cosmo hair” because it was bouncy and had body to it, just like the models on those fashion magazines Lila loved to read. My lips were a nice, rich shade of red, which paired nicely with my alabaster skin. Lila also managed to bring out the blue in eyes with thick, long lashes that made them seem to pop.
“Beautiful! When Gavin sees you, he's going to want to bang your pretty little brains out,” Lila said.
Her phrasing made my stomach do flips and turns like I was riding a roller coaster, but I had to admit—I looked pretty dang good. Not that I expected to lose my virginity or anything just because we went to the club. As I looked in the mirror, though, and thought about Gavin—and then thought about the entire purpose of cruises like this—I started to have doubts. I had to fight off a wave of nausea that rose up from deep within me.
“I'm not sure…”
Lila stopped me before I could finish my thought, brushing off my words with a wave of her hand. She took my hands in hers and looked deeply into my eyes.
“You're allowed to have fun, Josie. You're allowed to enjoy yourself. And yes, that includes having some amazing, mind-blowing, toe-curling sex,” she said. “There's nothing wrong with a woman enjoying sex. And I have a feeling that you'd really, really enjoy it with Gavin. That man just looks like he knows how to fuck and fuck well.”
I knew she was right, and I wanted to be intimate with men. I wanted a relationship and a family and all that, but my fears and insecurities were holding me back. Every time it got even remotely close, I ran away. And God knew, if push came to shove, I'd probably find a way to run from Gavin too.
I was also battling my own insecurities that rose up like a malignant spirit. All my doubts about myself and the fact that I had no sexual experience made me scared to take a step off the bridge. Although there was a small part of my mind that argued there was only one way to get experience and tried to counsel that even if I sucked in bed, it was a learning experience and I'd never see him again anyway.
“I believe in you, baby doll,” Lila said, smacking my ass playfully. “You're a hot, sexy woman. Now, let's get you laid.”
