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Mrs. Johnston smiled knowingly and grabbed the pad of paper from the kitchen counter. She scrawled Emily’s number on the top page and then turned back to me. She patted me on the shoulder and went to say goodbye to the kids. They both hugged her and thanked her for the brownies. She beamed at them and then left.
I watched her disappear through the front door with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Mrs. Johnston was kind and generous, but she was already too comfortable around us. Since Telissa’s death I’d kept everyone at arm’s length, and I liked it that way. If no one got too close, then no one could hurt me or my kids again. It wasn’t a realistic plan, but it was one that had worked for me so far.
The kids finished their brownies and then immediately started fighting over which movie to watch. I groaned and ran my hand over my face. Whatever I felt about Mrs. Johnston didn’t matter. I needed help before I lost my ever-loving shit on my kids. That was the last thing I wanted. I’d managed to keep myself together so far. I wasn’t going to screw it up now.
Before I could change my mind, I picked up the phone. I dialed Emily’s number and put the phone to my ear. It rang three times before she picked up.
“Hello?” she said, her voice older than I expected.
“Hi,” I said. “My name is Sean Evans, and I’m new in town. My neighbor, Mrs. Johnston, thought you might be able to help me out with child care?”
“Oh!” she said. “What exactly do you need?”
“A nanny,” I said quickly. “At least for the summer.”
“How many kids?” she asked, her voice falling into a professional rhythm.
“Two,” I said. “My son is seven and my daughter is five.”
“I see,” she said. “When are you looking for someone to start?”
“Yesterday,” I said seriously.
She laughed, and my stomach clenched. Her laugh, along with her voice, sounded nice. When Mrs. Johnston said she knew “a girl,” I thought she meant a teenager, maybe someone in college. Emily sounded like an adult. I was immediately uneasy.
“Well I’ll have some more questions, if that’s all right.” she asked. “I can bring in my résumé and references. I have a degree in child development from—”
“That sounds great,” I said quickly. “I’m sure you’re more than qualified.”
“Wonderful,” she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “What’s your address?”
I gave her the address, and she promised to be over by eight the next morning. I thanked her and we hung up. My heart beat slightly faster than normal. Her voice had been sure and sexy.
I shook my head and forced the thoughts away. Even if she was hot, she was going to be my kids’ nanny. Nothing could happen between us, I wouldn’t allow it. The rest of the day dragged on endlessly. I fed the kids dinner and put them in front of a movie, which they bickered their way through. By the time bedtime rolled around, I was more than ready to be alone for a few hours.
I tucked Tommy in, then went across the hall to do the same for Sarah, but she wasn’t in bed. With a frown, I searched the house for her. Just when I was beginning to worry, I found her asleep in my bed. She was clutching the picture of Telissa I kept on my nightstand.
I
sighed and made my way over to her. The last thing I wanted to do was disturb her sleep, but I couldn’t let her get in the habit of sleeping in my bed. When she was a toddler, she would only sleep sandwiched between Telissa and me. When Telissa was in the hospital, it was impossible to get Sarah down without hours of tears. I didn’t want to start that process all over again.
Carefully, I lifted her out of the bed and carried her to her room. She was still holding tight to the picture of her mom. My heart felt heavy at the sight of her precious little fingers holding the photo. I thought about pulling it from her grasp, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She needed it more than I did.
I kissed her forehead and then tiptoed out of the room, grateful to finally be alone in a quiet house. As I made my way downstairs, my mind turned once again to thoughts of Emily. Her voice was so enticing. I could have sat on the phone with her for hours, just listening to the rise and fall of her words. As I remembered our conversation, I felt that same tug in my stomach from before, and I quickly pushed it away.
Sinking down on the couch, I sighed and shook my head. There was no use daydreaming about Emily or her voice. No matter how sexy she sounded or even how sexy she might look, I couldn’t date again. I had thought that Telissa was the love of my life, but then she broke my heart and left us. All of it fucked me up on so many levels.
After everything I’d been through, I didn’t have it in me to let someone else in. I wasn’t sure I ever would or could.
My back slowly relaxed into the couch, and my eyes began to droop. I thought about dragging myself upstairs, but I was too comfortable to move. My mind was still racing as I flashed between what I imagined Emily to look like and my memoires of Telissa. Just picturing my wife’s face was enough to make me forget about Emily completely. Emily’s voice had piqued my interest, but one thing would always be true: she wasn’t Telissa.
I finally fell asleep, with thoughts of my wife floating through my mind. I didn’t know if I would ever move on or let go of her memory, but I did know that dating just wasn’t in the cards. Not for me. Not yet. Not for a very long time.
CHAPTER FOUR - EMILY
Tuesday morning arrived, and I found myself parked outside the Evans’s house. Given my current financial situation, I was relieved in the prospect of locating a stable job that involved children. I was also a little shocked that the very man Janie and I were joking about called me to offer me a job in his home. In any other part of the country, it would be a farfetched scenario, but in my tiny town, it was actually plausible.
The house was a beautiful, large colonial. It was evident that whoever this man was, he had good taste and was loaded. I still had ten minutes before Sean was expecting me, so I waited in my car for the time to pass.
