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I greeted him at the door as he made his way down the path. “Hey man, where the hell have you been?” He slapped my hand as he walked by and entered my home.
He went right to the bar I kept at the back of my living room and poured a drink.
“It’s a little early for that, isn’t it?” I didn’t mind that he made himself at home. I just enjoyed breaking his balls.
“It’s nearly three, man. Are you just waking up? I’ve tried to reach you all weekend.” He walked over to join me, slapping me on the back as he passed. I’d known the guy since we were kids. He was a character and one of my best friends.
“I went on a shoot. Got some great shots, but some assholes were camping nearby, and they had every light on in the fucking cabin. I’ve been on the computer filtering out the pollution all day.”
He had a concerned look on his face. “It looks like you have more than your shots on your mind. How’s the search for the Mrs. going?
“Not well at all. I’m screwed. I seriously don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“Damn, that bad?
“You tell me. I have to produce an heir in about a year, or I don’t get my money. I’ll have to go on a fuck fest to make it happen.”
“Boo fucking hoo, man. So you go out and pay some chick to let you knock her up. It’s not like you won’t be able to afford it,” he said, totally missing the point.
“I’ll have a kid. I might not want kids, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to have a little me roaming the world without being in their life somehow. I’m not my father, and I swore I never would be.
“Not to mention you’ll have to put up with its mother for at least eighteen years.”
“Yeah, there’s that. Do you know any of the women I’ve been with over the past few years who I’d even consider spending a week with?”
He seemed to be thinking about it by the expression on his face, which looked like he’d sucked a lemon. “Not a chance. But maybe I can help.”
“No offense, but don’t think you’re going to be helpful. My kid will end up with a stripper for a mother if I let you help. I need someone who’s going to have her own life and talents in an industry that’s not going to tarnish my kid’s life. My dad will shit a solid brick if I bring some pole dancer into the family, although I’m sure that’s what he expects.”
He placed his drink on the table in front of us and undid the button on his cuffs and began rolling up his sleeves. “With your predicament, there’s a place for you on my dating site. I’ve had a lot of luck, and that’s partly because of a few of my strategies, which is why I need panty melters like you on my team.”
“I’m not sure if I’m the guy you’re looking for.”
“Oh please! Ladies swoon over you, and when a guy like you gives them attention, they tell their friends. Then their friends come and sign up.”
“So, I’m going through the biggest dilemma in my life and you want to pimp me out on your site?”
“Hear me out, man. You have a year to find a girl to knock up and produce an heir. I mean, it’ll be like having your very own catalog of hot potential baby mamas to work, though. Plus you’d really be helping me out,” he pleaded.
“One things for sure, you know how to make an opportunity out of anything,” I said, though the idea was actually a pretty good one. I mean, I was going to have to get a move on or I’d end up losing my inheritance.
“Hey, I’m a business man after all. There’s bound to be at least a couple of girls on there that want to have kids anyway, right? This will just help you focus. And your focus will help me get more traffic on my site. I mean, it’s really a win-win.”
Hazen had always had a way of talking me into things, ever since we had been kids. He was a salesman through and through, and everything was a pitch to him.
“What exactly is it you’re looking for me to do?” I sighed.
“First of all, I’ll give you access to everything. You’ll be an admin, without letting anyone know you’re an admin.”
“Why wouldn’t I want them to know?”
“Because to them, you’ll need to put yourself forward as a potential candidate. I want you to mingle, flirt, flatter; do what you do best.”
“I don’t have to meet them all up for dates, do I?”
“I don’t care what you do to them, for them, with them. Hell, you might find a few girls on the side. Just don’t let them know that you’re working for me. I need these girls to feel special enough to brag to their friends. If they think a handsome fella like yourself is interested, they’ll spend more time on the site.”
“I don’t want them messaging me all day. I just want to focus on finding myself a girl.”
