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Still am. The Jeffries aren’t mine.
“You’re lucky to have them.”
“I know that.” He bent over and picked up the sponge. “I better get over there or he’s going to toss a towel next. Or the bristled scrub brush. That one might hurt.”
As confusing as her reaction to him was, she still enjoyed Jared’s personality. They’d had their awkward moments since their reunion, but the more time she spent with him, the more she craved his good-natured humor. Maybe because he always seemed to be smiling in her memories.
Except that one. If only she could erase it and they could get back to being friends.
“I’ll let you get to it then,” she said, taking a step around him. “See you in there for the tree decorating.”
“Just don’t touch the Scooby-Doo ornament. It’s mine.”
“Yes, sir.”
Anna Beth headed into the living room with the rest of the women in Jared’s family and as she stood along the edge of the room, a tight ball formed in her throat. Savannah sat in her father’s chair, untangling a strand of beads while Megan worked on the Christmas lights. Isa must have taken Alanna into the other room because she could hear the toddler screaming down the hallway. And Karen had her head in a large box of ornaments, laying them out across the coffee table in single rows. Homemade popsicle st
ick angels, clothespin reindeer, and painted glass balls told their family story. Anna Beth wondered if the ornaments she made her parents were in a box somewhere at her aunt’s place or if they’d been donated to some church function years ago. Anna Beth hadn’t thought about them in years, but maybe she’d ask Sarah. What was one more box of memories in her storage unit?
As a child, warm and intimate Christmases were the norm, until she’d moved in with her aunt. The small tree Sarah put in the corner of the room, on top of a high round table had been perfectly adorned with expensive glass ornaments which Anna Beth hadn’t been allowed to touch. After she’d married Ian, they’d gone all out for the holidays, including a big Christmas Eve bash with their friends. But when his health deteriorated, they skipped the party, but their festivities were still wonderful, just the two of them.
Over the course of their marriage, Ian and she had collected ornaments from every place they traveled. They held memories of anniversaries, her first passport stamp, and other special moments. She hadn’t even brought the box out last year, as they’d spent the night before Thanksgiving until his death in the hospital and he hadn’t been aware enough for Anna Beth to decorate his hotel room anyway. Those ornaments were gathering dust in a storage unit in L.A. because she couldn’t even imagine putting them on a tree without Ian by her side.
The air around Anna Beth thickened and she couldn’t catch her breath. Her chest tightened and Karen glance up from her ornament sorting, frowning.
“Anna Beth, are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m just a little light headed. Excuse me, I’m going to go outside for a minute.” Anna Beth rushed to the door and grabbed her coat. “Just need some air.”
Before Karen could question her further, Anna Beth stepped out onto the porch. The minute the door closed, she took a deep breath, allowing the crisp air to burn her lungs. She reached into the pocket of her coat, but her keys were the only thing she found. She’d locked her purse in the car, along with her anxiety medication. She didn’t get attacks often, but when she did, the alleviated the symptoms.
The next best thing was to take deep breaths and think about something soothing.
Her breath swirled in front of her face as she exhaled and Anna Beth smiled, even as tears rolled down her cheeks, thinking of the old Claymation cartoons she and Ian watched every year. She should find one on TV tonight. Maybe Sarah would watch it with her and they could make new traditions. Be close.
Give Anna Beth somewhere to come back to next Christmas.
With the porch light off, the bright winter moon cast enough light that she could see all the way out to the street. It was a beautiful night, with patches of clouds above, and inside, a warm, loving family who’d invited her to be a part of their celebration, sat around making new memories. She should be in there with them.
Instead, she stood on the cold, dark porch feeling sorry for herself. Ian would be so disappointed. She could almost hear his voice chiding her.
Anna Banana, why are you out here when the fun’s inside? Shake it off, baby, and have a good time.
She needed to go out to the car. Just one pill to take the edge off and she’d go back inside.
But the minute she reached the stairs, something moved to her right.
“Santa Claus is coming to town!”
Anna Beth gasped loudly as the robotic Santa came to life, his blue eyes flashing. Her heart thundered so hard against her chest, she thought it might rupture.
“Geez, you scared me, stupid thing.”
It rudely kept singing and dancing, oblivious to her near-death experience.
“I think you’re possessed.”
“He’s creepy, right?”
