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“I can’t do this.”
Nine
Jared backed away from Anna Beth, wishing he could take back the last thirty seconds. Damn it, since she’d been home, he hadn’t been able to think straight and telling her he missed her like this? On a dark porch on a cold winter night, just the two of them? No wonder she freaked.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to come off so intense. I guess being around you again takes me back. Sometimes it seems like we haven’t been apart and the next minute, it’s awkward as hell. I swear I wasn’t coming onto you.” Knowing he was going to ramble himself into a hole, he added, “I’ll just let you be.”
He turned, prepared to head back inside, but her voice stopped him. “I don’t want you to go.”
He looked over his shoulder at her, his heart racing. “You don’t?”
“No, but...I guess I'm anxious.” She tucked a stray hair behind her ear, her gaze avoiding his. “About what it means being back here. I’m only here temporarily, and I don’t want to complicate things.”
“What does that mean?” he asked.
“I’m not moving back. I’m leaving the day after Christmas.”
Disappointment slammed into Jared like a Mack truck, but he hid it under a cheery tone. “Three weeks is a decent visit with your aunt. Maybe even reconnecting with an old friend?”
Anna Beth finally looked at him. “Is that what you want? To be friends again.”
“I never wanted to stop.” Her eyes widened at his brutally honest admission and he kept talking before he lost his nerve. “I know I should have never put you in the position I did, and I should have apologized sooner but I honestly didn’t think you wanted to hear from me. It’s been rough imagining you were somewhere, hating me, but I didn’t know how to break the ice.”
Anna Beth took a step toward him. “I never hated you. I was upset and frustrated, but I know I hurt you, too. I tried to call you hundreds of times, but I didn’t know what to say either. I figured you’d either hang up on me or avoid my phone call.”
“I only hang up on those people who tell me the IRS wants me to send $1500 in Target gift cards.”
Jared grinned when Anna Beth threw back her head and laughed.
“Look at us, discussing our feelings like healthy adults,” he said.
She returned his smile. “Yeah, this whole open communication thing...who knew, right?”
Jared almost reached for her hand, but held himself back. He didn’t want her to misunderstand his intentions again, and crossed his arms over his chest to keep his hands busy. “I’d like it if we could spend time together. Even if you do leave and head back to LA, I don’t want us to lose touch again.”
Anna Beth cleared her throat. “I’m not going back to LA.”
“You’re not? Where are you going to live?”
“I’m not sure where I’m headed next. I’m taking things one step at a time, you know?”
No, he had no idea what that was like because he always had a plan. He’d known what he was doing before he graduated. He’d planned for the type of house he wanted to buy. There had been too much uncertainty in his early years to go without structure and security.
The only thing in his life he couldn’t plan for? Emotions. Those suckers came out of nowhere and he had a hard time dealing with them, as his past actions support.
“Sounds like you’re taking off on an adventure.”
“I’m not sure I’d call it that. I need a change, that’s all I know.” To his surprise, she reached for his hand. “But I’d like to spend time with you while I’m here.”
“Good. Me too.”
She dropped his hand and he missed the warmth of her touch immediately. Maybe he’d been lonelier than her thought. He had acquaintances, dates, but not a lot of close friends, besides Vance. And he wasn’t exactly the comforting type.
“I’m sorry I overreacted before,” she said. “Being back has me a little high strung. With the holidays, my aunt, Ian’s list--”
“List?” He repeated.
Anna Beth’s mouth opened and shut several times as she stuttered, “Yeah, I’m…well, you see…it’s just...hard to explain.”
