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“I’d do the one he left in the journal. If you and Jared hadn’t reconnected, you might never have known about it.”
Anna Beth picked up the letter and slipped her thumb under the seam to open it. When she unfolded it, her eyes traveled over Ian’s familiar handwriting, and filled with tears.
Anna Banana,
If you’re reading this, I’ve been gone awhile. I know at times my lists for you might have seemed silly, but I did it for you. If I hadn’t gotten you up and moving, you’d be sitting in our “sterile house” (your words), probably alone. I was hoping to time each one perfectly so you would have a year to find yourself again. You spent years living for me and, in a morbid way, I wanted my death to be about your life. I didn’t want you spending years grieving. I lived. I created. I explored. I loved.
I hope you went back to Snowy Springs. When you talked about your childhood, it wasn’t all bad. I think you feel that way because you’re too close to it. I suspect your aunt was hurting as much as you, and I hope you were able to reconcile with her. I pray Olive drags you out and you two tear up that sleepy little town. Most of all, I want you find someone new. You were made to be loved and have a family. Don’t shut yourself off from that.
My last wish for you is to be happy, whatever that looks like and to thank you. Being with you was the greatest gift I ever received.
I love you.
Ian
Anna Beth wiped at her eyes, but the tears were falling too fast to stop them.
“What did he say?” Sarah asked.
She passed her aunt the letter and got up to grab the box of tissues from the living room. Mittens woke up on the couch and stretched, her tiny mouth opening wide, before hopping off the couch and following behind Anna Beth, meowing.
Sarah folded the letter and set it in the middle of the table. “I suppose I was an item on that list of his.”
“Yes.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about that. I will say that I agree with him. I think it’s a good thing you returned.”
“I do too,” Anna Beth said. “And the request may have come from him, but the glass? The chats? That’s all you and me.”
Sarah smiled, transforming her face, making her look ten years younger. “True.”
Mitten’s jumped into Anna Beth’s lap and curled into a ball, purring loudly. Anna Beth ran her hand over the short, silky fur, comforted by the affection.
Finally, she picked up the other letter. “Guess I should get it over with, huh?”
“Probably best.”
Anna Beth opened the second letter.
Anna Banana,
Since you have my letter, I can only assume Jared either mailed it or he gave it to you when you went to visit your aunt. Or the two of you finally took the plunge.
Anna Beth paused, her cheeks burning.
I know the reason the two of you stopped talking is because you married me. I don’t know the particulars, but from what you told me, he’s not a bad guy. Not as good as me, of course, but he sounds alright.
She laughed through her tears and Sarah reached for her empty hand, squeezing it.
I want to be clear; I’ve never been jealous of Jared. Whatever happened between the two of you, I know you loved me. But I could see it in your face, you loved him too. You chose me, but that didn’t mean you forgot him.
When you love, you do so with your whole heart and I know it’s big enough for more than one person. He may be your first, but I am so grateful I got to be your number one for a time. Now, he can be your last.
I need you to be good with letting him in. I know you. You’ll fight it, pretend it’s nothing. But real love doesn’t come around as often as people think. This is your chance to be lucky twice.
And if it doesn’t work out, I know you’ll find someone who will love you as much as I do. Don’t hide from it.
Shine, my love.
