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Otter stared at Miranda until his lip began to tremble. Suddenly he was breaking down into a sobbing mess, and Miranda and Jeremiah had to rush to hold him up before he toppled to the floor. “Why don’t you love me? I’ve always loved you. I would’ve done anything for you. I’d have bought you the finest house, cooked for you every night and never asked a single thing of you but to love me back. Why was that too much to ask?”
At Otter’s impassioned plea, Miranda’s ire dissipated. She stroked his cheek. “Otter, you have been my friend for as long as I can remember. You and I will never be romantically involved because I think of you like a brother. That will never change. I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression that it might. But somewhere out there is a perfect woman for you. Someone who will love you for you. And I will be the first person to attend your wedding and babysit your children and invite you guys over for dinner. But I am not that girl.”
Otter wiped his nose and nodded, all the fight leaving him. “Sorry, Miranda. I’ve been such a shit. I was the one who made the call,” he confirmed with such misery that it was evident he’d been eaten by guilt for it. “I just couldn’t stand to see you with someone other than me. I understand if you never want to talk to me again.” He risked a glance at Jeremiah and added, “And you’re a decent guy. I’m sorry for the things I said. Or, I will be sorry when I sober up but right now I’m pretty drunk and I’m still pissed at you for being so lucky.”
“Apology accepted.” He paused, lifting a brow with uncertainty. “Do I need to start looking for a new place to live?”
“No,” Otter answered, wiping his running nose. “You’re a good renter. You can stay.”
Miranda chuckled. “Otter, go home and get some rest. I’ll have Russ call you a cab.”
Otter nodded and sat heavily in the nearest chair while Miranda talked to Russ. She and Jeremiah waited until Otter was safely packaged away in the cab and going home to sleep it off before they left the bar. She could only hope Otter wouldn’t be too mortified in the morning but she felt better having said what had long needed to be said. Perhaps it’d been her fault for not setting Otter straight immediately. She just hadn’t wanted to hurt him and then the rest of her life had imploded with different issues. By this point Jeremiah had sobered a bit and he could walk steadily but Miranda knew she didn’t want to go home alone.
“I shouldn’t want you,” Jeremiah said, his voice a husky murmur. “I should say good-night and let you go on your way. But I want you to go home with me.” Miranda didn’t have to say anything, and he saw a mirror of his feelings in her eyes. “One more night?” he asked softly.
“One more night.”
What neither of them wanted to admit was that one night was never going to be enough and they both knew it. Somehow to admit that they both needed each other in a deeper, more primal way, that their bodies reacted to one another on a cellular level, and that their souls felt intertwined, was just too much. To admit that would mean they’d have to answer some bigger questions and neither one of them was ready to do that.
So it was easier to agree—one more night.
* * *
MIRANDA RESTED HER head against Jeremiah’s chest, the sweat drying on their skin. She could spend a lifetime lying in this exact position. What a difference. She never imagined she’d meet anyone who made her feel this way. Why did it have to be Jeremiah? It seemed a cruel irony that she’d gone and fallen in love with the one man who could not be the person she needed him to be.
“What’s on your mind?” Jeremiah asked, his voice a low rumble in his chest. “I can practically see the tension rising from your shoulders.”
“I think I am falling in love with you.” Miranda held her breath, almost afraid of what that admission would do to their dynamic. When Jeremiah didn’t say anything she squeezed her eyes shut and wished she hadn’t said anything at all.
His arms tightened around her as he exhaled a deep sigh. “You know I’m not the right man for you despite how much I want to be. You need a man who can be a father figure to your son and I can’t be that.”
Tears stung her eyes. “I didn’t say I wanted you to be my son’s father. I said that I loved you. Does that mean anything to you?”
“If I said that I loved you back would it change anything? Each time I look at your son, I will remember mine and the fact that Tyler’s gone. Every single day I think about how things might’ve been different if I hadn’t bought him that damn ATV, so much so that it almost drove me crazy. The only way I’ve been able to shut off those questions in my head is by shutting down that part of myself, the part that had been a father. I won’t know how to do that around your son.”
