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I heard her screams but couldn’t get to her.
“Hey, you, okay?” I heard Ashe ask, from a distance, yet still close.
No, not Ashe.
Stephanie.
I opened my eyes.
The shift was fierce, from dark to light.
The West coast sun was doing its thing on the hotel wall. Everything was white. Even the carpet and TV. This place must be a nightmare to clean.
I looked to Stephanie, who was holding Karin in the chair. Her face was a portrait of concern. Our rooms were adjoining, with a door in between them. I guessed she had come in to make sure I was okay.
“Sorry, what?”
“You were really upset; I didn’t know if I should wake you. Your arms were flailing all around.”
“I didn’t hit you, did I?”
“No, we’re good. Are you?”
“Yeah, just a— dream. Like a night terror or something, I guess.”
“You know I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
Words came easy for me with songs, but not with people— even the ones I liked, few as they were. Stephanie was near the top of the list. More like a sister than a manager. It was just her way.
“Breakfast starts in ten minutes,” she said.
With a squeeze to my shoulder, keeping the demons at by for the moment, it was back to her room to prepare for the demands of the day.
After we grabbed some waffles from the hotel buffet, the van rolled south, hours elapsing as eons. It had been thirteen days away from home, away from Ashe, and it was starting to play with my mind.
The darkness was coming back, and I needed to get to safe ground. It would be enough to know she was there.
With Karin at her breast and Ragnar by her side, Stephanie squeezed my hand. It was a sisterly touch, bringing some sense of calm. Enough to get me through.
Finally, the van pulled up to my place, and my heart pounded in my chest.
I grabbed my bag, and the case for The Ax. The rest could be retrieved later.
Waving goodbye to them, I situated the straps for the case, grabbed the handle of the bag and began walking. By the time I had hit the stairs, I was going at warp speed.
There the sound vibrated through the wall, and I followed it to the door.
“Oh, hey, honey!” Ashe said, as she flung the door open.
Music I had written blared out of our stereo.
“Hey.”
A riot of images brought me to a single point of focus. The porno movie of return burned away in the reel.
“Missed you.”
She looked happy.
I grabbed her tight and kissed her passionately.
She kissed me back, hard, and then just she hugged me, her cheek to my chest, relief and love battling for ultimate supremacy.
“Missed you too,” I said, relief winning out.
“I was just about to take a bath, want to join?”
“Absolutely.”
In the warm, wafting steam, I held her, my arms crossed over her chest from behind. Demons scattered, at least for a while. I expected her to save me. No one could do that, but the respite was more than welcome.
Once we finally moved apart like Pangea, Ashe handed me the shampoo. Muffled moans escaped her as I massaged her scalp, lathering up to my knuckles. After we switched around, she did the same, her gentle fingers running through each cluster of my hair, root to tip. Ashe was cross-legged behind me.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, once she was done, and she said yes.
After we were dried and dressed in our weekend best, Ashe played audience to my cooking show, a heady combination of Gordon Ramsay and Vaslav Nijinsky. It was movement and heat in harmony, conjuring delicious results.
“I didn’t know you could cook like this when we met,” she said.
“Neither did I, until I tried. We were alone a lot when we were kids.”
“We?”
Sparks burst as the brakes threw, slimly avoiding derailment. Talking about things past was anathema to happiness. Nostalgia was never a problem I had.
“You have siblings?” she pressed, after I didn’t say anything further.
“One.”
She left it there, likely sensing the cloud rolling in on my mood. Instead, we let the past
stay dead, reveling in good food. For now.
“Do you have any plans for the night?” she asked.
“Not a bit, you?”
“Maybe we could go out, if you’re not too tired. But in the car or the van?”
“Ragnar has the van, remember?” I chuckled.
“Oh, right.”
After we’d gotten ready to go, our blue Swedish tank rolled through the late afternoon; Ashe driving and focused as anything. It was far better than my kamikaze style of driving, at least when traffic was bad.
The second-hand Volvo, pristine in body and soul, a promise kept. It was the least I could do after what she gave up to be with me.
Finally, we arrived at our destination, which was down a long flight of stairs.
“This is a dungeon, is it? I mean no offense. I’m curious about kink but—”
