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“Oh, my god!”
“I did what I could.”
“You certainly did, but how could you?” her face was pale.
“I don’t know. It was a reflex.”
“I-I need time to think.”
She rose and gathered her belongings.
“Okay, I’ll be back tomorrow.”
She left, not saying another word.
It did not go as badly as I feared, having run the scenario for years in my mind, about what might happen. Taking this meager victory, I left, mostly intact, except for the hole in my heart.
“Hotel,” I said, getting into a cab.
I still avoided the bed. The risk of sleep, where those dark memories, those evil dreams dwelt, was ever higher. Three cups of coffee and the occasional slap kept me from the danger zone. I ordered food, too, not thinking to eat since the night before.
It was a long time coming and I was glad it was over.
I quietly ate the meal, contemplating the specter following me in the shape of my little sister. The her I knew was gone years before. I could have helped; instead, I ran. My fear overcame my compassion, my sense.
I would be back in the morning, after the shock wore off.
For the first time in my life, I was glad Dad was dead.
It would have killed him to see Flaka and me like this, but not before he’d be putting more bodies in the ground.
Chapter Eighteen – Ashe
I didn’t know where Varg had gone. But I wondered if he was ever coming back.
I’d been sad without him, but right now I felt a kick in my belly.
Our baby.
“What do you think?” I asked rubbing my belly.
She kicked again, and I knew what I had to do.
* * *
The knocking came at the best and worst time. It sounded as if someone was trying to pound their way in, an unrelenting barrage at the door.
“What the hell?”
I heard a shout.
“Stephanie?”
“Hey, can I come in?” she asked.
“Sure, where’s Karin?”
“At home with Ragnar. There has been an incident and I thought it was best you hear it from me.”
“Okay.”
I opened the door, and Stephanie came inside.
Her expert glances around the room I had been too depressed to clean seemed to tell her that not all was well with me.
“How have you been, Ashe?” she asked.
The tears that had been close to spilling out flowed over my eyes now.
“Varg. Varg left me. And… our baby,” I wailed.
Stephanie actually let out a huge laugh.
I stopped in my tracks, shocked into immobility.
“Sit down. I’m going to make some coffee. Do you have any green tea?” she asked.
Numbly, I pointed to a cabinet, above the stove.
Stephanie took her time, my mind going to wild places.
Finally, she placed two cups on the table, and I took my tea and sipped it.
It tasted good, and the warmth calmed me.
Stephanie took a few sips of her coffee, staring out at the world outside.
She shook her head again.
“I don’t normally interfere in my friend’s love lives,” she began.
“But, you two. Seriously,” she continued.
She shook her head again.
“What? What do you know? Tell me!” I demanded.
I splashed a bit of tea on the table.
Stephanie stood up and got a rag, wiping the spill.
“Varg is gone, but not forever. Just to Norway,” she explained.
My heart sank.
“There was an emergency with his family. He had to go. Ragnar wasn’t sure you knew the entire story, because Varg left in such a hurry. Something happened to his sister and Varg needed to be there for her.”
“Oh.”
I was quiet, trying to understand this new data.
It was all I could manage to say. It was the most minor acknowledgement that I’d heard what was said. Heard but hadn’t processed.
I had believed that everything I thought I knew was gone in an instant. It took some time to recover from that.
“He’s coming back today. I’m going down to the airport to pick him up, if you want to come along,” Stephanie added, blowing on her coffee.
She took another sip.
Everything changed at once. Existential sadness turning to a new reason to live. I suddenly was hardly able to keep still.
Then the baby kicked me again.
“Oof!”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, she’s just excited,” I said, stroking my belly.
“How are you?”
“You’ll be the second one to know.”
All the things we said, everything I wanted to say were gone in a blink. Burned to ashes in the library of my mind.
There was a new base to start from; hopefully we could regain our footing again.
Chapter Nineteen – Ashe
“Hi, I– oh!” Varg said, as I grabbed him as hard as I could.
Words failed. Action was required, leaving him at a loss a well. My squeeze probably almost tore him in half, it seemed so mighty.
“She didn’t know why’d you’d gone,” I heard Stephanie explain.
“I wondered about that.”
“Come on, let’s get you home.”
He kissed me, lightly.
Was something wrong?
He’d said ‘home.’
But was it?
I’d hoped so, but it didn’t seem like it. Not after what had happened.
