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“I think that’s a good idea,” Eugene said. “Tell your granny we won’t be at Christmas either.”
Grady’s heart dropped. He knew the pain Deacon felt. Eugene and Frances might not be his blood, but Deke loved them as if they were, and now he was losing them because of him.
“Come on, Moose,” Deke called, took Grady’s hand, and the two of them went inside.
Chapter 22
Deacon
The second Deacon closed the door, Grady said, “Deke, I’m so fucking sorry. Maybe they’ll come around. What if you went to talk with them by yourself?”
“Don’t much want to go talk to them right now.”
He took off his jacket, trying to ignore the growing ache inside him. He wasn’t surprised at how things had gone down with Patricia’s parents. He’d known it would be something that took some getting used to, and that some people would never be able to, but how fucked up was that? Why did anyone have to adjust to who someone else was with? He couldn’t wrap his brain around it.
All he knew was Grady made him feel good, and he wasn’t letting go of that. He wasn’t walking away. He also wasn’t going to leave him alone on Christmas or drag him to dinner with his family, where things would be awkward. Grady didn’t deserve that.
“What about Christmas?” Grady asked.
“They said they aren’t going. And if my family has a problem, I won’t go either, but if not, the two of us can.” Deacon tried to ignore the ache in his chest, tried to pretend he wasn’t slightly freaking out that all this was happening.
“You can’t miss Christmas with your family. Not for me.”
“Yes, I can, and maybe part of me would rather it be just us.” It felt a lot easier that way. Everything was easier when it was just the two of them.
“Not that I’m complaining, but it’s always just us.”
“And I like it that way.” He set the bags of food on the table. Moose stumbled over his feet, getting mud everywhere.
“I’ll get the moose tracks.” Grady went for the paper towels. “I’ll be okay if you have to go without me. I can stay home, and then we can do our own thing afterward. These things happen sometimes. I’m sure it’ll get better. It’s just temporary.” He wiped up the mud, then started working on Moose’s feet while the pup tried to eat the paper towels.
“I’m not leaving you here.”
“I’m a big boy,” Grady replied.
“Okay, well, then I don’t want to be away from you, if that makes it easier for you to handle.” Deacon was already upset about Eugene and Frances, and now he was getting frustrated with Grady. Why was he making this harder than it already was?
“Deke…they’re your family.”
“It’s one fucking holiday!” He threw his hands up, then let them fall again. “The world’s not gonna end because I missed one Christmas dinner.” When Grady sighed, he added, “I’m not leaving you here alone while I go there and have the whole damn day turn into a discussion about my sexuality, about being with a man. I’m not going to sit through the questions, wishing I were here with you anyway. And I’m not going to take you there if my family end up having a problem with us. Mama and Granny will try too hard; Pop will be stuck up in his head. Leroy and Tasha will feel trapped in the middle, and we’ll all be miserable. I’m tired of being miserable, Grady. I don’t want to answer questions about being gay or bi or whatever. I just want to be.” Deacon hoped he could understand that, hoped it made some kind of sense, because it did inside him.
Grady gave him another sigh, then pushed to his feet. “You totally just won our first fight,” he said, making Deacon laugh. “Come ’ere.” He wrapped his hand around the back of Deacon’s head like he often did, pulled him closer, and kissed him. “Thank you for caring about me that much. No one has ever… Well, let’s just say no one has ever been as smart as you and realized how incredible I am.”
It broke Deacon’s heart that Grady had never had a man who made sure he knew how much he was cared about, who made sure he knew what it was like to feel important. Deacon damn sure would.
To lighten the mood, he said, “We should maybe keep score… I can get something that goes on the fridge. I don’t figure we’ll have a whole lot of arguments, but it’ll be nice to see how I win most of them.”
“You wish.” Grady kissed the tip of his nose. “I’ll feed Moose, and then let’s eat.”
They sat at the table, eating the fried catfish and hush puppies Deacon had picked up at Southern Kitchen, a restaurant he loved.
