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“Thank you for this,” I said, sinking into the warm water as much as I could without covering my face.
Connor shrugged like it was nothing at all for him to rescue me from the rain and carry me back to his apartment, run me a bath, and then sit with me like he was actually my boyfriend. He looked at me, scrubbing a hand over his face. “So, your mom.”
My heart ached at the thought of her, and I resisted the urge to clam up and get defensive, as I always did at any mention of her. I took a deep breath and then let it out, nodding at him. “What about her?”
“You want to tell me about her?” Connor asked, keeping his voice casual. “If you don’t, we can just sit here and relax. It’s up to you. I’ve got all night.”
“It’s morning now,” I said lightly.
“Sadie,” Connor murmured. His voice was low and intimate, and my stomach flipped at the sound of it, fluttering like butterflies in my chest. Even with my dad, I had never wanted to talk about her. Her death was like an open wound, festering and rotting inside of me.
“She was everything,” I whispered, watching the bubbles bob and float over the water. I could tell he was staring at me, but I couldn’t look up, couldn’t face his gaze, or I would lose my nerve. “For years, I wanted to be like her. She had a practice in our town—a vet office.”
I could see Connor nod out of the corner of my eye and his voice was thoughtful when he replied, “She sounds like she was something.”
“She was,” I agreed with him. “Everyone in town knew and loved her. When she—” my throat closed up, aching as I tried to talk. “When she was gone, it was like the entire town was less than what it was before. I don’t know. I can’t really explain it.”
“I get it,” Connor said quickly. I turned to him then, watching the melancholy steal over his handsome face. “She was gone, and the happiness went with her, right?”
“Yeah,” I agreed quietly, remembering the small amount he had told me about his own mother. “Are you speaking from experience?”
Connor laughed softly and the look in his eyes was haunted and dark. He shook his head, moving to sit on the floor beside me. I let my arm fall so that it brushed his own. Somehow, Connor Lennox, who I had only known for a week at most, was easier to talk to than I had ever imagined.
“She left us,” he said plainly, staring at the wall and the rack of fluffy towels in front of him. “She left me.”
“Do you know where she is?” I asked, unsure of whether I was prying or not. Not that it really mattered while I sat in a bath, naked in front of him but for the bubbly bath water.
Connor shook his head, stretching his long legs out in front of him. He had pulled off his suit jacket and the creamy shirt beneath was unbuttoned low on his chest, revealing coarse hair across pale skin that I tried desperately not to look at. His face was ashen in the bathroom light and the soft fall of his blonde hair across his forehead was endearing to me. I wanted to reach out and brush it away. I blinked, pushing the thought out of my mind, and looked at him as he cleared his throat.
“I don’t think I want to know. I wouldn’t want to face it,” he said, giving me a humorless laugh. “It doesn’t matter anymore, I guess. Wherever she is, I just hope she’s happy.”
Something about that made a warm, fuzzy feeling steal over my body. The water was going cold around me but the thought of Connor wishing his wayward mother a happy life was enough to warm me from the inside out. It would’ve been easy for him to hate her and to resent everything about her. It was a lot easier to hate than to love, but Connor had chosen to love. It made me want to be better.
I looked at him, pitching my voice low and soft, and gesturing to the scene around us. “Does this make us friends, then?”
Connor laughed and I liked the sound of it. It was light and happy and seemed to chase the depressive cobwebs from my mind. It was a sound I wanted to hear more of.
“I’d like that, yeah,” he nodded, looking pleased with me. He reached up to grab a large, fluffy towel from the rack and left it folded on the side of the tub for me. “You’re gonna be a raisin soon if you don’t get out. I’m sure your toes and fingers will thank you.”
I laughed a little and grabbed for the towel, squeezing the fluffy fabric between my fingers. Connor turned around while I stood and wrapped the towel around myself, covering me in fluffy warmth. I cleared my throat and he turned back around, leaning over and helping me out of the deep bathtub. I stood there in front of him, warm in my towel and with my skin still dotted with water. Connor stared down at me and there was something in his eyes I didn’t recognize. I realized then that whatever was happening between us, whatever soft feelings that had taken root in my heart, needed to stop here. If Connor and I had any chance of winning Games of Love, there needed to be boundaries between us. I could admit to myself that something was growing in the space between us, like twisting vines pulling us together to eventually be one. If anything happened between us though, it would be like cheating, right? The whole point of the show was to pretend to be in love, to be in a relationship, and trick the people around us successfully. If we got together, we wouldn’t need to pretend, and it wouldn’t be fair. With one last glimpse of Connor standing so close to me and so warm, I stepped back, moving away from the warmth of his hand and his soft touch that I craved so badly.
