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As I reclined there, I heard a soft noise coming from the direction of the bathroom. Curious, I stood from the bed and walked over in my socks, leaning my ear against the door to listen. I wondered if my actions counted as eavesdropping and then realized it didn’t really matter at this point. I thought that Sadie might need something and then quickly I realized that Sadie was crying—sobbing into the shower’s warm spray. My heart ached at the thought of her pain. I opened the door to the bathroom and found her there in the steam with the shower door open. She was naked and curled up at the edge of the spray of water, letting the stream fall over her body where she had her arms wrapped around her legs and her head on her knees. Though I was unsure of what to do, I just thought of what I would have wanted if I was in pain and upset.
“Oh, baby, it’s alright now,” I murmured, falling to my knees next to her and reaching out a hand to cup the back of her head.
Chapter 17
Connor
Sadie looked up with red-rimmed hazel eyes and when she reached out for me, I pulled off my clothes and climbed in behind her in the shower. I leaned back against the wall and Sadie curled up against my chest, sobbing and letting her tears mingle with the hot water that fell over her face. I let my chin rest on the top of her head, and I knew I was crying too, though I didn’t want her to see that while she was already upset. I had never been one to cry in front of people and, despite the fact that I knew Sadie wouldn’t judge me, I would rather be strong for her at that moment. I knew it was an archaic notion, but Sadie made me want to protect her, body and soul. I needed her to know that I was always going to be there for her to lean on, no matter what.
“Connor please, I can’t do this,” Sadie cried, holding my arm in a vise-like grip with her thin, water-wrinkled fingers. “I can’t keep doing this.”
“Wait, what? You can’t do what? What are you talking about, Sadie?” I knew that my voice shook as I spoke, and I cleared my throat in embarrassment. I felt like a child again, sick with sadness and dreading someone else leaving my life. My stomach dropped and I shook a little, fearing that she was going to say the one thing that would break me. I needed us to be together now, I didn’t know if I would be the same without her.
“This,” Sadie wilted in my arms and I could hear her helplessness in her voice. “After my mom, I just can’t…” she rubbed her hand hard over her eyes as she tried to hide her tears and she turned around in the water, looking up at me. “I can’t lose you. I don’t want to go through that again.”
I let out a breath of relief. The peace of knowing that Sadie didn’t want to leave me let me relax. I reached out, holding her close to me and kissing the top of her head. “You won’t lose me, Sadie, you don’t have to worry about that.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Connor. How can you say that with what you pulled earlier?” Sadie snapped in reply, pushing away from me until she was completely out of my arms. I reached out for her and she let me touch her arm the tiniest bit.
“What are you talking about, Sadie? When I tried to save your life?”
Sadie laughed coldly, looking back at me with contempt, and I hated the sound of it. “You think that’s what I want, Connor? Do you think that’s what a relationship is?”
“You’re not making any sense,” I told her bluntly, shaking my head. “I’m not supposed to want to save you? Am I not supposed to put your life over mine?”
“We’re supposed to be a team, Connor. That’s my whole point,” Sadie stood up in the shower and I followed, and it was just the two of us standing and staring at each other in the spray of water that was slowly mellowing into cold.
“We are—” I tried to say quickly, confused at her anger.
“No, actually you decided what was going to happen, and then I had no choice in the matter,” Sadie stepped out of the shower, dripping glistening water over the thick bathroom rug. “A relationship is what Oliver and Rose have, okay? It’s a partnership. It’s not whatever you think it is. It’s not this. Enjoy your shower, Connor.”
On that note, Sadie aggressively wrung out her dark hair and dried off quickly with her towel. She reached over in her towel and yanked my t-shirt from the floor to pull over her head, whirling around and out of the door without another word.
